Queerplatonic relationship

{{Short description|Non-romantic intimate partnerships}} {{LGBTQ sidebar|culture}} {{Close relationships}} {{Use dmy dates|date=March 2022}}

'''Queerplatonic relationships''' ('''QPR'''), also known as '''queerplatonic partnerships''' ('''QPP'''), are committed intimate relationships between significant others whose relationship is not romantic in nature. A queerplatonic relationship differs from a close friendship by having a similar explicit commitment, status, and structure as a formal romantic relationship, and it differs from a romantic relationship by not involving feelings of romantic love. Additionally, queerplatonic relationships can vary wildly in their sexual dimensions, with some incorporating sex or aspects of sexuality traditionally associated with allosexuality, and others fully eschewing sex altogether. The concept originates in aromantic and asexual spaces in the LGBTQ community.<ref name="Chen-2021">{{Cite book |last=Chen |first=Angela |url=http://worldcat.org/oclc/1337835879 |title=Ace: What Asexuality Reveals About Desire, Society, and the Meaning of Sex |publisher=Beacon Press |year=2021 |isbn=978-0-8070-1473-8 |pages=118–121 |oclc=1337835879}}</ref>

Like romantic relationships, queerplatonic relationships are sometimes said to involve a deeper and more profound emotional connection than typical friendship. While this relationship structure is not dependent on romantic or sexual attraction, queerplatonic partners may still engage in behaviors which would otherwise typically be reserved for romantic partners.

== Definition ==

The Asexual Visibility and Education Network defines queerplatonic relationships as "non-romantic significant-other relationships of 'partner status{{'"}}.<ref name=Chasin>{{cite journal |last1=Chasin |first1=CJ DeLuzio |title=Making Sense in and of the Asexual Community: Navigating Relationships and Identities in a Context of Resistance |journal=Journal of Community & Applied Social Psychology |date=2015 |volume=25 |issue=2 |pages=167–180|doi=10.1002/casp.2203 }}</ref>

Angela Chen describes queerplatonic partnership as "one of the few explicit titles available to describe the social space between 'friend' and 'romantic partner'" for non-romantic partners who share the "intense relationship and the security of explicit validation" otherwise associated exclusively with romance.<ref name="Chen-2021"/>

Julie Sondra Decker writes that QPR often "looks indistinguishable from romance when outside the equation", but should not be "assigned a romantic status if participants say it is not romantic". She also notes that observers can misread it as a typical close friendship in circumstances where overtly romantic gestures are socially expected. For Decker, the essence of queerplatonic attraction is its ambiguous position in relation to normative categories: she writes that QPR "is a platonic relationship, but it is 'queered' in some way—not friends, not romantic partners, but something else".<ref>{{cite book |last1=Decker |first1=Julie Sondra |title=The Invisible Orientation: An Introduction to Asexuality |date=September 2014 |page=25 |publisher=Skyhorse |isbn=978-1634502436}}</ref> Similarly, CJ DeLuzio Chasin characterises QPR as a "meta-category 'catch-all'" for "non-normative relationships" that are "not romantic relationships but which are also not adequately or properly described by 'friendship'".<ref>{{Cite book |last=Chasin |first=CJ DeLuzio |url=https://brill.com/edcollbook/title/56121 |title=Expanding the Rainbow: Exploring the Relationships of Bi+, Polyamorous, Kinky, Ace, Intersex, and Trans People |publisher=Brill |year=2019 |isbn=9789004414099 |editor-last=Simula |editor-first=Brandy L. |location=Leiden |pages=209–219 |chapter=Asexuality and the Re/Construction of Sexual Orientation |editor-last2=Sumerau |editor-first2=J. E. |editor-last3=Miller |editor-first3=Andrea |chapter-url=https://chasin.ca/cj/Chasin_2019_Asexuality_and_the_re-construction_of_sexual_orienation.pdf}}</ref>

Some authors put less stress on the partner-status structure or non-normative character of QPR and focus more on the idea that it represents a stronger emotional connection than conventional friendship. For instance, the College of William & Mary's neologism dictionary defines QPR as an "extremely close" relationship that is "beyond friendship" without being romantic,<ref name="William & Mary">{{cite web |title=Queerplatonic |url=https://neologisms.blogs.wm.edu/2016/03/14/queerplatonic/ |website=21st-Century Interdisciplinary Dictionary: A William & Mary Lexicon of English Neologisms, Buzzwords, Keywords and Jargon |access-date=25 February 2022 |archive-date=13 January 2022 |archive-url=https://web.archive.org/web/20220113213031/https://neologisms.blogs.wm.edu/2016/03/14/queerplatonic/ |url-status=dead }}</ref> and sex therapist Stefani Goerlich in ''Psychology Today'' similarly describes QPRs as a "deeper commitment than friendship".<ref name="PsychToday">{{cite web | url=https://www.psychologytoday.com/us/blog/bound-together/202109/queerplatonic-relationships-new-term-old-custom | title=Queerplatonic Relationships: A New Term for an Old Custom | work=Psychology Today | date=6 September 2021 | accessdate=25 February 2022 | author=Goerlich, Stefani}}</ref>

== Terminology == The term "queerplatonic" was coined in 2010 by the writers S. E. Smith and Kaz.<ref name="Chen-2021"/><ref>{{cite web|last=Layton|first=Jes|url=https://archermagazine.com.au/2022/06/queerplatonic-relationships-aromantic-love-story/|title=Queerplatonic Relationships: An aromantic’s love story|website=Archer Magazine|date=22 June 2022|access-date=15 September 2025|archive-url=https://web.archive.org/web/20250413024541/https://archermagazine.com.au/2022/06/queerplatonic-relationships-aromantic-love-story/|archive-date=13 April 2025|quote=The beauty of the internet is that we know exactly where and when the term ‘queerplatonic relationship’ was first documented – in a thread called Kaz’s Scribblings on December 24, 2010.|url-status=live}}</ref>

The form of attraction that is involved in queerplatonic relationships has been described using the word "alterous".<ref>{{Cite web |url=https://academic.oup.com/book/46571/chapter/408273656 |access-date=18 May 2024 |website=academic.oup.com |doi=10.1093/oso/9780192845450.003.0012 |title=We Forge the Conditions of Love |date=2023 |last1=Gardiner |first1=Georgi |pages=279–314 |isbn=978-0-19-284545-0 }}</ref><ref>{{Cite book |last=Young |first=Eris |url=https://books.google.com/books?id=EzCXEAAAQBAJ&dq=alterous+attraction&pg=PP1 |title=Ace Voices: What it Means to Be Asexual, Aromantic, Demi or Grey-Ace |date=21 December 2022 |publisher=Jessica Kingsley Publishers |isbn=978-1-78775-699-1 |language=en}}</ref> Alternatively, other sources have used the word "queerplatonic" to describe a form of attraction as well as a category of relationship.<ref>{{Cite news | last=Davin |first=Kristin |title=A Guide to 14 Different Types of Attraction |url=https://www.choosingtherapy.com/types-of-attraction/ |access-date=28 May 2024 |work=Choosing Therapy |language=en-US |archive-url=https://web.archive.org/web/20250903223929/https://www.choosingtherapy.com/types-of-attraction/ |archive-date=3 September 2025}}</ref><ref>{{Cite book |last=Barron |first=Victoria |url=https://books.google.com/books?id=XQqjEAAAQBAJ&dq=alterous+attraction&pg=PT12 |title=Amazing Ace, Awesome Aro: An Illustrated Exploration |date=21 June 2023 |publisher=Jessica Kingsley Publishers |isbn=978-1-83997-715-2 |language=en}}</ref><ref>{{Cite journal |last1=Aral |first1=Nigiel |last2=Castro |first2=Maxene Alexandra De |last3=Mansukhani |first3=Karuna May |last4=Sara |first4=Ayeesha Heather |date=29 April 2021 |title=Determinants of Sexual Literacy of Senior High School Students in De La Salle University-Manila |url=https://animorepository.dlsu.edu.ph/conf_shsrescon/2021/paper_ghi/8 |journal=DLSU Senior High School Research Congress}}</ref>

In asexual and aromantic online spaces, queerplatonic partners are sometimes called "zucchinis".<ref name=Chasin/><ref name=Counterpoint>{{cite journal |url=http://issuu.com/w.counterpoint/docs/sept2013final |title=The 'A' in LGBT |journal=Counterpoint |date=September 2013 |volume=35 |issue=1 |page=8 |archive-url=https://web.archive.org/web/20250219115356/https://issuu.com/w.counterpoint/docs/sept2013final |archive-date=19 February 2025}}</ref> LGBT news website PinkNews describes this as "a joke which refers to the lack of terminology to describe meaningful relationships outside of romantic or sexual partnerships".<ref>{{cite news |last1=Smith |first1=Lydia |title=What is a quasiplatonic aka queerplatonic relationship? |url=https://www.pinknews.co.uk/2018/04/18/what-is-a-quasiplatonic-aka-queerplatonic-relationship-friendship/ |access-date=26 February 2022 |work=PinkNews |date=18 April 2018 |archive-url=https://web.archive.org/web/20250118232820/https://www.thepinknews.com/2018/04/18/what-is-a-quasiplatonic-aka-queerplatonic-relationship-friendship/ |archive-date=18 January 2025}}</ref> A platonic crush is called a "squish",<ref>{{Cite web |date=22 May 2017 |title=Who's Your Main Squish? 15 Signs You're Squishing on Someone |url=https://www.lovepanky.com/love-couch/sweet-love/squish-signs |access-date=28 March 2022 |website=LovePanky - Your Guide to Better Love and Relationships|archive-url=https://web.archive.org/web/20250901153707/https://www.lovepanky.com/love-couch/sweet-love/squish-signs |archive-date=1 September 2025}}</ref><ref>{{Cite web |date=29 July 2016 |title=Squish- That Platonic Crush You Always Experienced But Never Had A Name For |url=https://edtimes.in/squish-that-aromantic-crush-you-always-experienced-but-never-had-a-name-for/ |access-date=28 March 2022 |website=ED Times {{!}} Youth Media Channel |language=en-US|archive-url=https://web.archive.org/web/20250115045814/https://edtimes.in/squish-that-aromantic-crush-you-always-experienced-but-never-had-a-name-for/ |archive-date=15 January 2025}}</ref> and this term has been applied to QPR.<ref>{{Cite book |last=Omnes et Nihil |url=https://acezinearchive.files.wordpress.com/2015/01/queerplatonic-zucchinis_revised-primer-2014_for-printing.pdf |title=Queerplatonic Zucchinis: A Short Primer [zine] |year=2014 |archive-url=https://web.archive.org/web/20210305232455/https://acezinearchive.files.wordpress.com/2015/01/queerplatonic-zucchinis_revised-primer-2014_for-printing.pdf |archive-date=5 March 2021}}</ref>

== Origins and use ==

The term originates in the aromantic and asexual communities,<ref name="Chen-2021"/><ref name="William & Mary"/><ref name=Counterpoint/> and it was largely restricted to these spaces in the 2010s. ''The Huffington Post'' described it in 2014 as a "new label" coming from the same place as "aromantic" and "demisexual",<ref>{{cite news |last1=Brekke |first1=Kira |title=This Is What It Means To Be Aromantic, Demiromantic And Queerplatonic |url=https://www.huffingtonpost.co.uk/entry/aromantic-demiromantic-queerplatonic_n_5948256 |access-date=26 February 2022 |work=The Huffington Post |date=8 October 2014}}</ref> the College of William & Mary's neologism dictionary observed in 2016 that it was only used in aromantic and asexual spaces,<ref name="William & Mary"/> and Zach Schudson and Sari van Anders characterised it in 2019 as one of several "emergent gender and sexual identity discourses" appearing on LGBTQ social networking sites.<ref name="SchudsonVanAnders">{{cite journal |last1=van Anders |first1=Sari |last2=Schudson |first2=Zach |title='You have to coin new things': Sexual and gender identity discourses in asexual, queer, and/or trans young people's networked counterpublics. |journal=Psychology & Sexuality |date=12 August 2019 |volume=10 |issue=4 |pages=354–368 |doi=10.1080/19419899.2019.1653957 |s2cid=202286008 |url=https://www.tandfonline.com/doi/abs/10.1080/19419899.2019.1653957?journalCode=rpse20 |access-date=26 February 2022|hdl=1974/32792 |hdl-access=free }}</ref>

However, from 2021, some popular websites aimed at general audiences began to discuss the concept,<ref name="PsychToday"/><ref>{{cite web |title=What Does A Queerplatonic Relationship Look Like? |url=https://divethru.com/what-does-a-queerplatonic-relationship-look-like/ |website=DriveThru |date=11 June 2021 |access-date=25 February 2022}}</ref><ref>{{cite web |last1=Davenport |first1=Barrie |title=Are You In A Queerplatonic Relationship? 13 Clues You Are |url=https://liveboldandbloom.com/11/self-improvement/queerplatonic-relationship |website=Live Bold & Bloom |date=November 2021 |access-date=26 February 2022}}</ref><ref>{{cite web |title=Queerplatonic Relationship: What It Is & 25 Signs You're In One |url=https://www.lovepanky.com/my-life/relationships/queer-platonic-relationship |website=LovePanky: Your Guide to Better Love and Relationships |date=12 June 2021 |access-date=26 February 2022}}</ref><ref name=Bustle>{{cite news |last1=Inks |first1=Lexi |title=Your Guide To Queerplatonic Life Partnerships |url=https://www.bustle.com/wellness/queerplatonic-life-partnership-relationship |access-date=26 February 2022 |work=Bustle}}</ref> and the concept has been used (rather than merely discussed as a neologism) in some academic art and literature criticism.<ref name="dogfuck">{{cite journal |last1=Popova |first1=Milena |date=3 April 2018 |title='Dogfuck rapeworld': Omegaverse fanfiction as a critical tool in analyzing the impact of social power structures on intimate relationships and sexual consent |url=https://uwe-repository.worktribe.com/OutputFile/864005 |journal=Porn Studies |volume=5 |issue=2 |page=201 |doi=10.1080/23268743.2017.1394215 |access-date=25 February 2022|url-access=subscription }}</ref><ref>{{cite journal |last1=Przybyło |first1=Ela |title=Ace and aro lesbian art and theory with Agnes Martin and Yayoi Kusama |journal=Journal of Lesbian Studies |year=2022 |volume=26 |issue=1 |pages=89–112|doi=10.1080/10894160.2021.1958732 |pmid=34463602 |s2cid=239671332 }}</ref><ref name="Luce">{{cite web|last=Luce|first=Savie|url=https://escholarship.org/uc/item/5xp1v0kr|title=Asexual Erasure Undone: A Short Literary History of Asexuality in 19th-to 20th-Century Literary Classics|date=2021}}</ref>

Some authors observed in the 2020s that QPR is associated with polyamory. A 2021 qualitative analysis of the language used by people involved in polyamory gave the word "queerplatonic" as a typical example of the "complex" vocabulary often used by individuals involved in consensual non-monogamous relationships.<ref>{{cite journal |last1=Cardoso |first1=Daniel |last2=Pascoal |first2=Patricia M. |last3=Maiochi |first3=Francisco Hertel |title=Defining Polyamory: A Thematic Analysis of Lay People's Definitions |journal=Archives of Sexual Behavior |date=27 May 2021 |volume=50 |issue=4 |pages=1239–1252 |doi=10.1007/s10508-021-02002-y |pmid=34046765 |pmc=8321986 |url=https://link.springer.com/content/pdf/10.1007/s10508-021-02002-y.pdf |access-date=25 February 2022}}</ref> Y. Gavriel Ansara, writing for an audience of relationship counsellors, also observes that the term is common among polyamorous people.<ref>{{cite journal |last1=Ansara |first1=Y. Gavriel |title=Challenging everyday monogamism: Making the paradigm shift from couple-centric bias to polycule-centred practice in counselling and psychotherapy |journal=Psychotherapy and Counselling Journal of Australia |date=2020 |volume=8 |issue=2 |doi=10.59158/001c.71237 |s2cid=257705886 |url=https://pacja.org.au/2020/12/challenging-everyday-monogamism-making-the-paradigm-shift-from-couple-centric-bias-to-polycule-centred-practice-in-counselling-and-psychotherapy-2 |access-date=25 February 2022 |doi-access=free |archive-date=26 February 2022 |archive-url=https://web.archive.org/web/20220226015724/https://pacja.org.au/2020/12/challenging-everyday-monogamism-making-the-paradigm-shift-from-couple-centric-bias-to-polycule-centred-practice-in-counselling-and-psychotherapy-2/ |url-status=dead }}</ref> A 2022 article in the women's magazine ''Bustle'' drew parallels between "queerplatonic life partnerships" and consensual non-monogamy, relating both to relationship anarchy and the shared principle that the participants "customize their commitments according to what the people in the relationship desire".<ref name=Bustle/>

Schudson and van Anders (2019) and the 2022 ''Bustle'' article also assert that use of the term is driven by "young people",<ref name="SchudsonVanAnders"/> or Millennials and Generation Z.<ref name="Bustle"/>

Sex therapist Stefani Goerlich suggested in 2021 that the concept was inspired by Boston marriages—formalized romantic friendships between wealthy women in late nineteenth century New England. She also characterized QPRs as "an ancient practice made popular again", and suggests that Ruth and Naomi in the Hebrew Bible might have had "one of the earliest recorded QPRs".<ref name="PsychToday"/><ref>{{cite web | url=https://www.oprahdaily.com/life/relationships-love/a65161700/what-is-a-queerplatonic-relationship/ | title=What Is a Queerplatonic Relationship? | work=Oprah Daily | date=30 June 2025 | accessdate=12 July 2025 | author=Lodato, Sofia}}</ref>

== Social analysis == Savie Luce challenges the conventional queer reading of Mary Eleanor Wilkins Freeman's ''Two Friends'', a story depicting a Boston marriage, which casts it in a "sexualized queer light" as depicting a sapphic relationship. She argues that through the lens of QPR and Ela Przybylo's concept of "asexual erotics", Freeman's protagonists can be read as erotic lesbian partners without the need to mischaracterise their relationship as sexual or romantic, which Luce regards as "erotonormative". She also presents QPR as a radical counter-narrative to the lesbian bed death trope, with asexuality "an additive quality rather than a deficit" in a queerplatonic partnership between women.<ref name="Luce" />

Some authors have seen the concept of QPR as a reaction against an amatonormative hierarchy in which romantic relationships are regarded as more important than friendships. The author of the William & Mary neologism dictionary's entry on QPR opines that the desire to designate a close platonic attachment as a significant other rather than a best friend only exists because of the normative expectation that an individual should prioritize their partner over their friends—for them, QPR is only distinguished from friendship because the latter is not "considered a valid replacement for romantic love".<ref name="William & Mary"/>

Similarly, Roma De las Heras Gómez connects relationship anarchy's critique of the idea that a romantic relationship is necessary to "create a family that includes long-term partnership, cohabitation, joint economic responsibility, and potential child raising" to the folk categories used in "asexual communities and aromantic communities online", and though she does not directly mention QPR, she does use the phrase "queerplatonic relationships" as a keyword for the paper,<ref>{{cite journal |last1=De las Heras Gómez |first1=Roma |title=Thinking Relationship Anarchy from a Queer Feminist Approach |journal=Sociological Research Online |date=2019 |volume=24 |issue=4 |page=12 |doi=10.1177/1360780418811965 |s2cid=150062238 |url=https://qsu070.noblogs.org/files/2020/10/De-las-Heras-G%C3%B3mez-2018-Thinking-Relationship-Anarchy-from-a-Queer-Feminist-Approach.pdf}}</ref> suggesting that she sees QPR as similar to relationship-anarchist non-sexual cohabitation and co-parenting.{{fact|date=November 2025}}

== References == {{Reflist}}

== Further reading == * {{cite book |last1=Linder |first1=Katie |year=2019 |chapter=Queering the Nuclear Family: Navigating Familial Living as an Asexual |editor1-last=Simula |editor1-first=Brandy L. |editor2-last=Sumerau |editor2-first=J. E. |editor3-last=Miller |editor3-first=Andrea |title=Expanding the Rainbow: Exploring the Relationships of Bi+, Polyamorous, Kinky, Ace, Intersex, and Trans People |pages=221–227 |location=Leiden |publisher=Brill |isbn=9789004414099}} * {{cite magazine |last1=Strait |first1=Ashton |url=http://www.scribd.com/doc/113321494/November-15th-Post |title=Beyond BFFs: Cozying up to queerplatonic relationships |magazine=Post- |publisher=Brown University |date=15 November 2012 |volume=14 |issue=8 |page=3}}

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