{{Short description|Only experiencing secondary sexual attraction}} {{About|individuals who do not experience primary sexual attraction||Demiromanticism}} {{Infobox sexuality | name = Demisexuality | pronunciation = | image = | image_upright = | caption = | etymology = {{langx|la|demi}}, meaning "half"<ref name="health" /> | definition Lack of primary sexual attraction. 2: Someone who rarely has feelings of sexual attraction without an emotional connection. | classification = Sexual identity | parent = Asexual spectrum | synonyms = | associated_terms = {{hlist|Gray asexuality|Demiromanticism|Asexuality}} | culture = | flag = Demisexual Pride Flag.svg | flag_alt = Demisexual pride flag | flag_name = Demisexual pride flag | flag_meaning = Black chevron represents asexuality, gray represents gray asexuality, white represents sexuality, and purple represents community.<ref>{{Cite web |title=Queer 101 |url=https://www.odu.edu/life/support/wgec/lgbt/queer101 |access-date=2022-07-19 |website=Old Dominion University}}</ref> }} '''Demisexuality''' is a term used to describe individuals who rarely or never experience sexual attraction solely based on immediately observable characteristics such as appearance or smell, and do not typically experience attraction immediately after a first encounter.<ref name="WebMD" /><ref name="health" /> A demisexual person generally tends to develop sexual attraction only after an emotional bond has formed.<ref name="WebMD">{{Cite web |title=What Is Demisexuality? |url=https://www.webmd.com/sex/what-is-demisexual-demisexuality |access-date=2022-09-04 |website=WebMD}}</ref><ref name="The Guardian">{{Cite web |title=No lust at first sight: why thousands are now identifying as 'demisexual' |url=http://www.theguardian.com/society/2019/sep/07/no-lust-at-first-sight-day-i-finally-realised-i-was-a-demisexual |last=Iqbal |first=Nosheen |date=September 7, 2019 |website=The Guardian |access-date=July 7, 2023 |archive-url=https://web.archive.org/web/20190907183404/http://www.theguardian.com/society/2019/sep/07/no-lust-at-first-sight-day-i-finally-realised-i-was-a-demisexual |archive-date=September 7, 2019}}</ref><ref name="health" /> The amount of time that a demisexual individual needs to know another person before developing sexual attraction towards them varies from person to person. Demisexuality is generally categorized on the asexuality spectrum.<ref>{{cite book |last=Decker |first=Julie Sondra |year=2015 |chapter=Grayromanticism |title=The Invisible Orientation: An Introduction to Asexuality |chapter-url=https://books.google.com/books?id=vTSCDwAAQBAJ&pg=PT55 |url-status=live |publisher=Simon and Schuster |isbn=978-1510700642 |archive-url=https://web.archive.org/web/20201022143214/https://books.google.com/books?id=vTSCDwAAQBAJ&pg=PT55 |archive-date=October 22, 2020 |access-date=April 24, 2020}}</ref><ref name="health" />
==History== {{Asexuality topics sidebar}} The term was coined in the Asexual Visibility and Education Network Forums in February 2006. Based on the theory that allosexuals experience both primary and secondary sexual attraction and asexuals do not experience either, the term ''demisexual'' was proposed for people who experience the latter without the former.<ref name="The Guardian"/> However, David Jay suggested a similar word in 2003, called semisexual.<ref>{{cite web |title=Asexual history |website=prezi.com |url=https://prezi.com/mhbrxuwgke5y/asexual-history/ |access-date=2024-11-22 |language=en}}</ref><ref>{{cite book |editor1-last=Cerankowski |editor1-first=Karli June |editor2-last=Milks |editor2-first=Megan |date=27 June 2024 |first=Erica |last=Chu |section=4 Asexuality and contemporary articulations of identity  § Models of identity |title=Asexualities: Feminist and Queer Perspectives |edition=Revised and expanded ten-year anniversary |publisher=Routledge |isbn=((978-1-315-88267-3-5)) |page=101 |lang=en |url=https://books.google.com/books?id=XbgTAwAAQBAJ&dq=%22semisexual%22+%222003%22&pg=PT101 }}</ref><ref>{{cite journal |first=Erica |last=Chu |year=2014 |title=Radical identity politics: Asexuality and contemporary articulations of identity |journal=Asexualities |isbn=9781315882673 |doi=10.4324/9781315882673-12 |page=93 |url=https://www.academia.edu/39842657 }}</ref><ref>{{cite web |title=The asexual spectrum |date=2013-06-19 |type=Infographic |website=HuffPost |url=https://www.huffpost.com/entry/asexual-spectrum_n_3428710 |access-date=2024-11-22 |lang=en }}</ref>
Demisexuality, as a component of the asexuality spectrum, is included in queer activist communities such as GLAAD and The Trevor Project. Demisexuality also has finer divisions within itself.<ref name="Explore the spectrum: Guide to finding your ace community">{{Cite web |last=Pasquier |first=Morgan |date=2018-10-18 |title=Explore the spectrum: Guide to finding your ace community |url=https://www.glaad.org/amp/ace-guide-finding-your-community |archive-date=August 1, 2020 |website=glaad.org |access-date=July 22, 2020 |archive-url=https://web.archive.org/web/20200801045947/https://www.glaad.org/amp/ace-guide-finding-your-community |url-status=live }}</ref><ref>{{cite web |title=Asexual |series=Trevor support center |website=The Trevor Project (thetrevorproject.org) |url=https://www.thetrevorproject.org/trvr_support_center/asexual/ |url-status=live |access-date=July 22, 2020 |archive-url=https://web.archive.org/web/20210406125426/https://www.thetrevorproject.org/trvr_support_center/asexual/ |archive-date=April 6, 2021 }}</ref>
The word gained entry to the Oxford English Dictionary in March 2022, with its earliest use recorded in 2006 as a noun.<ref>{{cite news | title=Content warning: May contain notes on the OED March 2022 update | website=Oxford English Dictionary |type=blog | date=15 March 2022 | url=https://public.oed.com/blog/the-oed-march-2022-update/ }}</ref>
Since 2019, the app Tinder includes demisexual as an option for self-descriptors of sexual orientation on profiles.<ref>{{Cite web |last=O'Brien |first=Sara Ashley |date=2019-06-04 |title=Tinder adds sexual orientation feature to aid LGBTQ matching |series=CNN Business |website=Cable News Network |url=https://www.cnn.com/2019/06/04/tech/tinder-glaad-sexual-orientation/index.html |access-date=2023-01-06 |lang=en }}</ref>
==Definition== Demisexuality is used to describe individuals who feel sexually attracted to someone only after developing a close or strong emotional bond with them.<ref name="health" /> Some demisexuals will also feel romantic attraction, while others do not. The duration of time and the degree of interpersonal knowledge and bonding required for a demisexual person to develop sexual attraction may be highly variable between individuals. There is a lack of clear definitions for what qualifies as a close or strong bond in this context, which can cause confusion.<ref name="WebMD" /><ref name="health" />
Unlike other words used to describe sexual orientations, the term "demisexuality" does not indicate which gender or genders a person finds attractive.<ref name="health">{{cite web |url=https://www.health.com/demisexual-7099485 |title=Everything You Need to Know About Demisexuality |last=Demmer |first=Jenna |date=February 22, 2023 |website=Health |access-date=August 7, 2023 |archive-url=https://web.archive.org/web/20230320170107/https://www.health.com/demisexual-7099485 |archive-date=March 20, 2023}}</ref>
==Primary and secondary sexual attraction model== {{dist|Split attraction model}} *Primary sexual attraction: sexual attraction towards people based on instantly available information (such as their appearance or smell). Primary sexual attraction is characterized as being experienced at first sight. *Secondary sexual attraction: sexual attraction towards people based on information that is not instantly available (such as personality, life experiences, talents, etc.); how much a person needs to know about the other and for how long they need to know about them before secondary sexual attraction develops varies from person to person.<ref name="Explore the spectrum: Guide to finding your ace community" /><ref name="The Guardian" />
After secondary sexual attraction is developed, demisexuals are not only aroused by personality traits. They also may or may not experience arousal or desire based on the physical traits of the persons with whom they have already experienced secondary sexual attraction towards.<ref>{{Cite web |date=2021-06-24 |title=What demisexual means and how to be an ally |url=https://www.newsweek.com/demisexual-definition-ally-asexual-difference-1603669 |access-date=2022-07-23 |website=Newsweek}}</ref>
==Common misconceptions and sexual activities== A misconception is that demisexual individuals cannot engage in casual sex.<ref>{{Cite web |title=5 Damaging Misconceptions About Demisexuality |website=Healthy Place |url=https://www.healthyplace.com/blogs/thelifelgbt/2021/7/5-damaging-misconceptions-about-demisexuality |last=Hubert |first=Nori Rose |date=July 10, 2021 |access-date=August 8, 2023 |archive-url=https://web.archive.org/web/20210710225848/https://www.healthyplace.com/blogs/thelifelgbt/2021/7/5-damaging-misconceptions-about-demisexuality |archive-date=July 10, 2021}}</ref> Demisexuality refers to how an individual experiences sexual attraction; it does not describe a choice or an action, but describes a feeling instead.<ref name="WebMD" /><ref>{{Cite web |last=White |first=Ro |date=2021-04-13 |title=You Need Help: How Do I Explore Casual Sex If I'm Demisexual? |url=https://www.autostraddle.com/demisexual-casual-sex |access-date=2022-07-26 |website=Autostraddle}}</ref> While it is common for demisexuals to not desire sex without feeling sexually attracted to the other person, this is not required to be considered demisexual. Many demisexuals may choose to engage in casual sex even without experiencing sexual attraction towards their sexual partner.<ref>{{Cite web |title=Can Demisexuals Have Casual Sex? |website=Her Campus |url=https://www.hercampus.com/school/western/can-demisexuals-have-casual-sex |last=Barghiel |first=Naomi |date=September 13, 2019 |access-date=August 7, 2023 |archive-url=https://web.archive.org/web/20210512080723/https://www.hercampus.com/school/western/can-demisexuals-have-casual-sex |archive-date=May 12, 2021}}</ref>
==Attitudes towards sex== Some demisexual, gray-asexual and asexual individuals, all often included under the "ace umbrella" or "ace spectrum" (that is, presumably related experiences of sexuality contrasted with Allosexuality<ref>{{Cite journal |last=Fiorini |first=Michael |date=2022-01-01 |title=Asexuality and Demisexuality: Clinical Implications of Sexual Identity |url=https://digitalcommons.du.edu/capstone_masters/469 |journal=Graduate School of Professional Psychology: Doctoral Papers and Masters Projects}}</ref>), use the terms ''favorable'', ''neutral'' or ''indifferent'', ''averse'', or ''repulsed'' to describe how they feel about sex.<ref name="health" /> Nonetheless, these terms can be used by anyone, regardless of whether they are on the asexual spectrum or not.<ref>{{Cite web |title=Attitudes Toward Romance or Sex – The Ace and Aro Advocacy Project |url=https://taaap.org/learn/attitudes-toward-romance-or-sex |access-date=2022-07-23}}</ref> *Sex-repulsed: feeling repulsed or uncomfortable towards the thought of engaging in sex.<ref>{{Cite web |last=Wynne |first=Griffin |date=2021-08-02 |title=Sex-Repulsed |url=https://www.cosmopolitan.com/sexopedia/a37181073/sex-repulsed |access-date=2022-07-20 |website=Cosmopolitan}}</ref> It should not be confused with apothisexuality,<ref>{{Cite journal |last=Marignier |first=Noémie |date=2019 |title=Les savoirs sur les pratiques langagières féministes et LGBTQI entre académie et militantisme |url=https://hal.science/hal-02165401 |journal=Cahiers de l'ILSL |issue=58 |pages=87–107 |doi=10.26034/la.cdclsl.2019.91|doi-access=free }}</ref><ref>{{Cite journal |last=Midlej |first=Heloisa |date=2025-02-26 |title=Como falar sobre a assexualidade na vida real estimula registros da assexualidade virtualmente e vice-versa: Uma análise sobre como o envio de histórias pessoais agiu como continuidade da memória da identidade assexual e apoiou a exibição "A é para... (Museu da Assexualidade e Arromanticidade)" |url=https://www.revista.memoriaslgbt.com/index.php/ojs/article/view/110 |journal=Revista Memória LGBT |language=pt |volume=10 |issue=1 |pages=95–129 |issn=2318-6275}}</ref><ref>{{Cite journal |last=Gilman |first=Lisa |date=2023 |title=Cake is Better than Sex: Pride and Prejudice in the Folklore of and about Asexuality |url=https://muse.jhu.edu/pub/3/article/912094 |journal=Journal of Folklore Research |volume=60 |issue=2 |pages=196–228 |doi=10.2979/jfolkrese.60.2_3.09 |issn=1543-0413 |url-access=subscription}}</ref> because sex-repulsed demisexual people are not absent from feeling attracted to specific individuals,<ref>{{Cite journal |last=Lew |first=Mia |date=2022-06-01 |title=The Queer Dictionary |url=https://digitalcommons.calpoly.edu/grcsp/208 |journal=Graphic Communication}}</ref><ref>{{Cite thesis |last=Oliveira |first=Elisabete Regina Baptista de |author-link1=:pt:Elisabete Oliveira |title=Minha vida de ameba: os scripts sexo-normativos e a construção social das assexualidades na internet e na escola |date=2015-03-06 |degree=text |publisher=Universidade de São Paulo |url=http://www.teses.usp.br/teses/disponiveis/48/48134/tde-11052015-102351/ |language=pt-br}}</ref> when the attraction urges to appear.<ref>{{Cite journal |last1=Steelman |first1=Sarah M. |last2=and Hertlein |first2=Katherine M. |date=2016-04-02 |title=Underexplored Identities: Attending to Asexuality in Therapeutic Contexts |url=https://doi.org/10.1080/08975353.2016.1169014 |journal=Journal of Family Psychotherapy |volume=27 |issue=2 |pages=85–98 |doi=10.1080/08975353.2016.1169014 |issn=0897-5353 |url-access=subscription}}</ref> *Sex-indifferent: no particular positive or negative feelings towards sex. Sex-indifferent individuals might partake in sex or avoid it. *Sex-favourable: sex-favourable individuals enjoy sex and may seek it out.<ref>{{Cite web |last=Wareham |first=Jamie |title=How To Be An Asexual Ally: Learn Why Some Asexual People Have Sex (And Accept That Most Don't) |url=https://www.forbes.com/sites/jamiewareham/2020/10/25/how-to-be-an-asexual-ally-learn-why-some-asexual-people-have-sex-and-accept-that-most-dont |access-date=2022-07-20 |website=Forbes}}</ref> *Sex-ambivalent: experiencing mixed or complicated feelings regarding the act or concept of sexual interaction, usually fluctuating between sex-neutral, sex-favorable, sex-repulsed, sex-negative, or sex-averse.<ref>{{Cite web |title=About Asexuality and Aromanticism – Asexual & Aromantic Community and Education Club |url=https://sophia.smith.edu/aace/about-asexuality-and-aromanticism |access-date=2022-07-20}}</ref> These terms are generally used to refer to someone's opinion about engaging in sexual activities themself. However, they might also be used to describe how they feel reading, watching, hearing about, or imagining these activities. The term ''-repulsed'' in particular is often used to refer to one's feelings about engaging in sexual activities or being around them. One's feelings can vary depending on the situation or other factors such as identity, societal context, common social understanding or intent of actions or comfort level with another individual. For example, someone who is aegosexual may enjoy thinking about sexual activities involving others but may feel repulsed upon the thought of personally participating in such activities.<ref>{{Cite journal |last1=Winter-Gray |first1=Thom |last2=Hayfield |first2=Nikki |date=2019-10-22 |title='Can I be a kinky ace?': How asexual people negotiate their experiences of kinks and fetishes |url=http://dx.doi.org/10.1080/19419899.2019.1679866 |journal=Psychology & Sexuality |volume=12 |issue=3 |pages=163–179 |doi=10.1080/19419899.2019.1679866 |s2cid=210570094 |issn=1941-9899|url-access=subscription }}</ref><ref>{{Cite journal |last=Bogaert |first=Anthony F. |date=2012 |title=Asexuality and Autochorissexualism (Identity-Less Sexuality) |journal=Archives of Sexual Behavior |volume=41 |issue=6 |pages=1513–1514 |doi=10.1007/s10508-012-9963-1 |issn=1573-2800 |pmid=22576251|s2cid=45261209 }}</ref>
==In fiction== Demisexuality is a common theme (or trope) in romantic novels that has been termed "compulsory demisexuality".<ref>McAlister, Jodi. "First Love, Last Love, True Love: Heroines, Heroes, and the Gendered Representation of Love in the Category Romance Novel." Gender & Love, 3rd Global Conference. Mansfield College, Oxford, UK. Vol. 15. 2013</ref> In this genre, the paradigm or trope of sex being only truly pleasurable and fulfilling when the partners are in love is a trait most commonly associated with female characters. The added requirements for a connection to occur may engender or reinforce feelings that the connection is unique or special.<ref>{{cite journal|title='That complete fusion of spirit as well as body': Heroines, heroes, desire and compulsory demisexuality in the Harlequin Mills & Boon romance novel|first=Jodi|last=McAlister|date=1 September 2014|journal=Australasian Journal of Popular Culture|volume=3|issue=3|pages=299–310|doi=10.1386/ajpc.3.3.299_1}}</ref><ref name="UNC">{{Cite web|url=https://lgbtq.unc.edu/resources/exploring-identities/asexuality-attraction-and-romantic-orientation|title=Asexuality, Attraction, and Romantic Orientation|access-date=July 23, 2020|work=The LGBTQ Center at The University of North Carolina at Chapel Hill|archive-date=November 19, 2019|archive-url=https://web.archive.org/web/20191119213638/https://lgbtq.unc.edu/resources/exploring-identities/asexuality-attraction-and-romantic-orientation|url-status=live}}</ref>
== See also == {{Portal|LGBTQ }} * Greysexuality * Demigender * Pansexuality * Sexual fluidity * Unlabeled sexuality
==References== {{Reflist}}
{{Asexuality topics}} {{Gender and sexual identities}} {{Human sexuality and sexology}} {{Human sexuality}} {{LGBTQ}}
Category:Human sexuality Category:Demisexuality Category:Asexuality Category:2006 neologisms Category:Asexual spectrum sexual orientations