{{Short description|Societal assumption about relationships}} {{LGBTQ sidebar|attitudes}} '''Amatonormativity''' ({{IPAc-en|ə|ˌ|m|æ|t|ə|n|ɔr|m|ə|ˈ|t|ɪ|v|ə|t|i}}) is the set of societal assumptions that everyone prospers with an exclusive romantic relationship. Elizabeth Brake coined the term in her 2012 book ''Minimizing Marriage'' to capture societal assumptions about romance.<ref name="BBC">{{cite news |title=Do you feel under pressure to find The One? |url=https://www.bbc.co.uk/bitesize/articles/zfjx6v4 |access-date=15 July 2020 |publisher=BBC |date=2020 |archive-date=15 July 2020 |archive-url=https://web.archive.org/web/20200715002159/https://www.bbc.co.uk/bitesize/articles/zfjx6v4 |url-status=live }}</ref><ref name="TWA">{{cite news |author-last1=Bonos |author-first1=Lisa |title=Bugging your friend to get into a relationship? How amatonormative of you. |url=https://www.washingtonpost.com/news/soloish/wp/2017/07/06/what-is-amatonormativity-the-belief-that-youre-always-better-off-in-a-romantic-relationship/ |url-access=subscription |access-date=14 July 2020 |newspaper=The Washington Post |date=6 July 2017 |archive-date=14 October 2020 |archive-url=https://web.archive.org/web/20201014112833/https://www.washingtonpost.com/news/soloish/wp/2017/07/06/what-is-amatonormativity-the-belief-that-youre-always-better-off-in-a-romantic-relationship/ <!--|url-status=live (leave param in note so citation will prioritize archive link)-->}}</ref> The term has since become established in queer theory,<ref>{{Cite book |last=Cover |first=Rob |url=https://www.google.no/books/edition/Elgar_Encyclopedia_of_Queer_Studies/Fe1QEQAAQBAJ?hl=en&gbpv=1&dq=Amatonormativity&pg=PA18&printsec=frontcover |title=Elgar Encyclopedia of Queer Studies |last2=Newman |first2=Christy E. |date=2025-03-12 |publisher=Edward Elgar Publishing |isbn=978-1-80392-210-2 |pages=18 |language=en}}</ref> literary studies,<ref name=":1">{{Cite journal |last=Cole |first=Megan |date=2024 |title=The Fiction of Amatonormativity: Reactions to Queer Platonic Relationships in Eighteenth-Century Literature |url=https://utppublishing.com/doi/10.3138/ecf.36.2.269 |journal=Eighteenth-Century Fiction |volume=36 |issue=2 |pages=269–292 |doi=10.3138/ecf.36.2.269 |issn=0840-6286|url-access=subscription }}</ref> in self-help books for aromantic people,<ref name=":2">{{Cite book |last=Daigle-Orians |first=Cody |url=https://www.google.no/books/edition/The_Ace_and_Aro_Relationship_Guide/v43-EAAAQBAJ?hl=en&gbpv=1&dq=Amatonormativity&pg=PA29&printsec=frontcover |title=The Ace and Aro Relationship Guide: Making It Work in Friendship, Love, and Sex |date=2024-10-21 |publisher=Jessica Kingsley Publishers |isbn=978-1-83997-735-0 |language=en}}</ref> and popular science books about aromanticism.<ref name=":0">{{Cite book |last=Burke |first=Wren |url=https://www.google.no/books/edition/Love_Expanded/xGY5EQAAQBAJ?hl=en&gbpv=0 |title=Love Expanded: How asexuals and aromantics are redefining love, life and family |date=2025-06-05 |publisher=Allen & Unwin |isbn=978-1-80546-259-0 |language=en}}</ref> Brake wanted to describe the pressure she received by many to prioritize marriage in her own life when she did not want to. Amatonormativity extends beyond social pressures for marriage to include general pressures involving romance.<ref name="TWA"/><ref name="EBA">{{cite web |author-last1=Brake |author-first1=Elizabeth |title=Amatonormativity |url=https://elizabethbrake.com/amatonormativity/ |website=Elizabeth Drake |date=29 August 2017 |access-date=14 July 2020 |archive-date=22 April 2018 |archive-url=https://web.archive.org/web/20180422045037/https://elizabethbrake.com/amatonormativity/ |url-status=live }}</ref>
==Etymology== The word ''amatonormativity'' comes from ''amatus'', which is the Latin word for "loved", and ''normativity'', referring to societal norms.<ref name="TWP">{{cite news |author-last1=Baer |author-first1=Drake |title=There's a word for the assumption that everybody should be in a relationship |url=https://theweek.com/articles/688887/theres-word-assumption-that-everybody-should-relationship |access-date=14 July 2020 |publisher=The Week Publications Inc |date=31 March 2017 |archive-date=15 July 2020 |archive-url=https://web.archive.org/web/20200715125406/https://theweek.com/articles/688887/theres-word-assumption-that-everybody-should-relationship |url-status=dead}}</ref><ref name="BBC" /> Related terms include ''allonormativity'', which means a worldview that assumes all people experience sexual and romantic attraction, and ''compulsory sexuality'', which means social norms and practices that marginalize non-sexuality.<ref>{{cite book |last1=Mollet |first1=Amanda L. |last2=Lackman |first2=Brian |chapter=Allonormativity and Compulsory Sexuality |title=Encyclopedia of Queer Studies in Education |date=24 January 2021 |publisher=Brill |isbn=978-90-04-50672-5 |doi=10.1163/9789004506725_006 |chapter-url=https://brill.com/display/book/9789004506725/BP000013.xml |chapter-url-access=subscription |language=en |access-date=4 July 2023 |archive-date=21 March 2023 |archive-url=https://web.archive.org/web/20230321225531/https://brill.com/display/book/9789004506725/BP000013.xml |url-status=live }}</ref> Amatonormativity has been described as the romantic version of compulsory sexuality.<ref name=":0" />
The term was modeled after the term heteronormativity, the belief that heterosexuality is the default for sexual orientation.<ref name="TWA"/> Normative bias against ethical non-monogamy in particular is known as mononormativity.<ref name=Keese>{{cite journal |last1=Keese |first1=Christian |date=2016 |title=Marriage, Law and Polyamory. Rebutting Mononormativity with Sexual Orientation Discourse? |url=http://opo.iisj.net/index.php/osls/article/viewFile/734/960 |journal=Oñati Socio-legal Series |volume=6 |issue=6 |page=1348 |access-date=December 24, 2020 |archive-date=April 22, 2018 |archive-url=https://web.archive.org/web/20180422221600/http://opo.iisj.net/index.php/osls/article/viewFile/734/960 |url-status=live }}</ref>
==Examples== Elizabeth Brake describes the term as a pressure or desire for romance and/or marriage. The desire to find relationships that are romantic, sexual, and lifelong has many social consequences. People who are asexual, aromantic and/or just want to stay single become social oddities. According to researcher Bella DePaulo, it puts a stigma on single people as incomplete and pushes romantic partners to stay in unhealthy relationships because of a fear the partners may have of being single.<ref name="cut">{{cite web |title=There's a Word for the Assumption That Everybody Should Be in a Relationship |date=8 March 2017 |publisher=The Cut |url=https://www.thecut.com/2017/03/amatonormativity-everybody-should-be-coupled-up.html |access-date=2 March 2019 |archive-date=6 March 2019 |archive-url=https://web.archive.org/web/20190306050618/https://www.thecut.com/2017/03/amatonormativity-everybody-should-be-coupled-up.html |url-status=live }}</ref><ref name="BBC" />
Examples of amatonormativity from other writers include family members telling someone "You'll never get a date like that!" in response to a personal style choice like dyed hair or a tattoo, or people assuming that close friends are dating,<ref name=":0" /> or romantic relationships being portrayed as more important than friendships in movies and books,<ref name=":0" /> and the lack of fiction that is not primarily about romance.<ref>{{Cite web |last=Chen |first=Angela |date=2018-03-05 |title=We Need More Books Without Romance |url=https://electricliterature.com/we-need-more-books-without-romance/ |access-date=2026-04-01 |website=Electric Literature |language=en-US}}</ref>
According to Brake, one way in which amatonormativity is institutionally applied is the law and morality surrounding marriage. Loving friendships, queerplatonic, and other relationships are not given the same legal protections romantic partners are given through marriage.<ref name="psych">{{cite web |title=Should Marriage Be Abolished, Minimized, or Left Alone? |publisher=Psychology Today |url=https://www.psychologytoday.com/us/blog/living-single/201207/should-marriage-be-abolished-minimized-or-left-alone |access-date=2 March 2019 |archive-date=4 July 2023 |archive-url=https://web.archive.org/web/20230704225025/https://www.psychologytoday.com/us/blog/living-single/201207/should-marriage-be-abolished-minimized-or-left-alone |url-status=live }}</ref>
In her 2012 book ''Minimizing Marriage'', Brake defines amatonormativity as "the widespread assumption that everyone is better off in an exclusive, romantic, long-term coupled relationship, and that everyone is seeking such a relationship."<ref name="HP">{{cite news |author-last1=Sharpe |author-first1=Brianna |title=Why These Families Want To Queer Valentine's Day |url=https://www.huffingtonpost.ca/entry/valentines-day-gender_ca_5e444684c5b61b84d3440f4f |access-date=14 July 2020 |publisher=Huffington Post |date=12 February 2020 |archive-date=14 July 2020 |archive-url=https://web.archive.org/web/20200714234157/https://www.huffingtonpost.ca/entry/valentines-day-gender_ca_5e444684c5b61b84d3440f4f |url-status=live }}</ref>
== Uses == The term amatonormativity has been covered in major newspapers,<ref>{{Cite web |last=Baer |first=Drake |date=2017-03-08 |title=There’s a Word for the Assumption That Everybody Should Be in a Relationship |url=https://www.thecut.com/2017/03/amatonormativity-everybody-should-be-coupled-up.html |access-date=2026-04-01 |website=The Cut |language=en}}</ref><ref>{{Cite news |date=2017-07-06 |title=Analysis {{!}} Bugging your friend to get into a relationship? How amatonormative of you. |url=https://www.washingtonpost.com/news/soloish/wp/2017/07/06/what-is-amatonormativity-the-belief-that-youre-always-better-off-in-a-romantic-relationship/ |access-date=2026-04-01 |work=The Washington Post |language=en-US |issn=0190-8286}}</ref> and was named by The Atlantic as a trending philosophical topic in 2018.<ref>{{Cite web |last=Kitchener |first=Caroline |date=2018-07-18 |title=What Are the New Questions of Philosophy? |url=https://www.theatlantic.com/membership/archive/2018/07/what-are-the-new-questions-of-philosophy/565520/ |access-date=2026-04-01 |website=The Atlantic |language=en-US}}</ref> In literary studies the term has been used as a lens to reinterpret same-sex relationships in 19th century novels.<ref name=":1" /> Amatonormativity is commonly discussed in self-help books for aromantic and asexual people,<ref name=":2" /><ref>{{Cite book |last=Daigle-Orians |first=Cody |url=https://www.google.no/books/edition/I_Am_Ace/YyiUEAAAQBAJ?hl=en&gbpv=1&dq=amatonormativity&pg=PA163&printsec=frontcover |title=I Am Ace: Advice on Living Your Best Asexual Life |date=2023-02-21 |publisher=Jessica Kingsley Publishers |isbn=978-1-83997-263-8 |language=en}}</ref><ref>{{Cite book |last=Chen |first=Angela |url=https://www.google.no/books/edition/Ace/MVX4DwAAQBAJ?hl=en&gbpv=1&dq=Ace+What+Asexuality+Reveals+About+Desire,+Society,+and+the+Meaning+of+Sex&printsec=frontcover |title=Ace: What Asexuality Reveals About Desire, Society, and the Meaning of Sex |date=2020-09-15 |publisher=Beacon Press |isbn=978-0-8070-1379-3 |language=en}}</ref> and media coverage of platonic relationships as a lifestyle choice.<ref>{{Cite web |last=Dazed |date=2022-06-10 |title=BFFs, but make it official: the rise of platonic life partnerships |url=https://www.dazeddigital.com/life-culture/article/56284/1/the-rise-of-platonic-life-partnerships |access-date=2026-04-01 |website=Dazed |language=en}}</ref>
==See also== *Allonormativity *Aromanticism *Criticism of marriage *Discrimination against asexual people *Heteronormativity *Marital status *Marriage *Relationship anarchy *Romance (love) *Romantic orientation *Single person
==References== {{reflist}}
==External links== * {{Wiktionary-inline|amatonormativity|amatonormative}}
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Category:Anti-LGBTQ sentiment Category:Aromanticism Category:Feminist terminology Category:Gender-related prejudices Category:Intimate relationships Category:LGBTQ erasure Category:Neologisms Category:Romance