{{short description|American writer|bot=PearBOT 5}} {{Infobox writer <!-- for more information see :Template:Infobox writer/doc --> | name = Melissa Febos | image = | imagesize = | caption = | birth_date = | birth_place = Falmouth, Massachusetts | death_date = | death_place = | alma_mater = The New School (BA)<br>Sarah Lawrence College (MFA) | occupation = Writer and professor | genre = Non-fiction, memoir | movement = | nationality = American | spouse = Donika Kelly | awards = National Book Critics Circle Award (2021)<br>NEA Fellowship (2022)<br>Guggenheim Fellow (2022) | website = {{URL|https://www.melissafebos.com/}} }} '''Melissa Febos''' is an American writer and professor.<ref>Rohin Guha. ‘Whip Smart’’s Melissa Febos on Diets, Dudes and Dominatrix-ing, Black Book Mag, Feb 23, 2010</ref> She is the author of five books, including the memoirs ''Whip Smart'' (2010) and ''The Dry Season'' (2025).<ref name=":0" /><ref name="Whip Smart" /> Her essay collection ''Girlhood'' (2021) won the 2021 National Book Critics Circle Award.<ref name=nbcca /><ref>{{Cite web |last=Tang |first=Estelle |date=June 3, 2025 |title='Our fantasy of love has to do with need and dependency': Melissa Febos on her year of celibacy |url=https://www.theguardian.com/wellness/ng-interactive/2025/jun/03/melissa-febos-memoir-celibacy |access-date=June 10, 2025 |website=The Guardian}}</ref>
She's had work featured in ''The New York Times'', ''The Paris Review'', ''Salon'', ''Bomb'', ''Hunger Mountain'', ''Prairie Schooner'', ''The Kenyon Review'', ''Tin House'', ''Granta'', ''Post Road'', ''Dissent'', ''Vogue'', ''The Believer'', ''The New Yorker,'' ''The Sewanee Review'', ''Bitch Magazine,'' ''The Guardian,'' and ''The Chronicle of Higher Education.''<ref name="Whip Smart">'Whip Smart': Memoirs Of A Dominatrix, NPR, March 8, 2010. [https://www.npr.org/templates/story/story.php?storyId=124369913 Interview]</ref><ref name=iowafaculty />
==Early life and education== Febos was born and raised in Falmouth, Massachusetts.<ref>{{Cite web|title=Turning Toward a More Authentic Life |url=https://tricycle.org/article/melissa-febos/ |website=The Buddhist Review: Tricycle}} Retrieved 2026-05-30.</ref> Her father was a sea captain and her mother was a therapist. She left home at 16 years old, after passing the GED, and moved to Boston, where she worked an assortment of jobs including one as a boatyard hand and another as a chambermaid.<ref name="Whip Smart" />
She attended night courses at Harvard Extension School before moving to New York City and enrolling in The New School in August 1999. She graduated with a Bachelor of Arts in Writing/Literature.<ref>{{Cite web|title=New School Narratives |url=https://guides.library.newschool.edu/c.php?g=1384979&p=11070551 |website=newschool.edu}} Retrieved 2026-05-30.</ref> She later earned a Master of Fine Arts in Writing at Sarah Lawrence College.<ref name=iowafaculty />
==Career== Febos is the author of ''Whip Smart,'' published by St. Martin's Press in 2010, a memoir of her work as a professional dominatrix while she was studying at The New School.<ref name=":0">Alyssa Fetini Friday, Inside the Secret World of a Dominatrix, Time Magazine, March 19, 2010</ref><ref>Susannah Cahalan, A fine line between pleasure and pain, ''The Daily Telegraph'' February 27, 2010.</ref><ref>Alicia Rancilio, Melissa Febos' `Whip Smart' describes her life as a dominatrix, Washington Examiner, March 12, 2010</ref><ref>Dave Rosenthal. Melissa Febos' ''Whip Smart'', The Baltimore Sun, March 8, 2010</ref> Her second book, the lyric essay collection ''Abandon Me'', was published by Bloomsbury Publishing on February 28, 2017.<ref>[http://www.bloomsbury.com/us/abandon-me-9781632866578/ 'Abandon Me,' Bloomsbury Publishing]</ref> ''Abandon Me'' was a Lambda Literary Award finalist and a Publishing Triangle Award finalist,<ref name=washpost>{{cite news |url=https://www.washingtonpost.com/entertainment/books/girlhood-febos-book-review/2021/03/27/a7c8dc24-8d41-11eb-9423-04079921c915_story.html |title=Melissa Febos's 'Girlhood' brilliantly illuminates how women are conditioned to be complicit in their own exploitation |date=2021-04-04 |orig-date=2021-03-27 |author1=Kristen Millares Young |newspaper=The Washington Post |place=Washington, D.C. |issn=0190-8286 |oclc=1330888409}}{{WaPoCheckDates}}</ref> and one of "The Best Reviewed Books of 2017" by ''Literary Hub''.<ref name="bookmarks.reviews">{{Cite news|url=https://bookmarks.reviews/the-best-reviewed-books-of-2017essay-collections/|title=The Best Reviewed Books of 2017:Essay Collections|newspaper=Book Marks }}</ref>
In May 2018, Febos received the inaugural Lambda Literary Jeanne Córdova Prize for Lesbian/Queer Nonfiction. "The award goes to a writer committed to nonfiction work that captures the depth and complexity of lesbian/queer life, culture and/or history."<ref name=JeanneCórdova />
Her third book and second essay collection, ''Girlhood'', was published by Bloomsbury Publishing on March 30, 2021.<ref>{{cite web |url=http://melissafebos.com/about/ |title=About – Melissa Febos |website=melissafebos.com |url-status=dead |archive-url=https://web.archive.org/web/20160120175823/http://melissafebos.com/about/ |archive-date=2016-01-20}}</ref><ref>{{Cite web|date=2021-03-23|title=Melissa Febos Reveals Gray Areas of Sex and Consent in 'Girlhood'|url=https://www.advocate.com/books/2021/2/02/melissa-febos-girlhood-podcast-interview|access-date=2021-04-21|website=www.advocate.com|language=en}}</ref> It was a national bestseller.<ref>{{Cite web|last=Bloomsbury.com|title=Girlhood|url=https://www.bloomsbury.com/us/girlhood-9781635572520/|access-date=2021-04-21|website=Bloomsbury Publishing|language=en}}</ref> Describing ''Girlhood'', ''The New York Times'' wrote, "The aim of this book, though, is not simply to tell about her own life, but to listen to the pulses of many others’...This solidarity puts “Girlhood” in a feminist canon that includes Febos’s idol, Adrienne Rich, and Maggie Nelson’s theory-minded masterpieces: smart, radical company, and not ordinary at all."<ref>{{Cite news|last=Bonner|first=Betsy|date=2021-03-30|title=Puberty, Slut-Shaming and Cuddle Parties in Melissa Febos's 'Girlhood'|language=en-US|work=The New York Times|url=https://www.nytimes.com/2021/03/30/books/review/girlhood-melissa-febos.html|access-date=2021-04-21|issn=0362-4331}}</ref>
She was the co-curator, with Rebecca Keith, of the monthly Mixer Reading and Music series on the Lower East Side for ten years.<ref>{{cite web|title=Rebecca Keith - The Rumpus.net|url=http://therumpus.net/author/rebecca-keith/|publisher=The Rumpus|accessdate=29 July 2011}}</ref> A four-time MacDowell Colony fellow, Febos has received fellowships from Virginia Center for the Creative Arts, Vermont Studio Center, and the Bread Loaf Writers' Conference. Her essays have won awards from ''Prairie Schooner'' and ''StoryQuarterly'', and for five years she was on the Board of Directors of Vida: Women in Literary Arts.<ref name="Whip Smart" /><ref name=iowafaculty />
Febos's third essay collection, ''Body Work: The Radical Power of Personal Narrative,'' combines memoir and craft advice, and was published by Catapult in 2022.<ref>{{Cite web|title=REVIEW: Body Work: The Radical Power of Personal Narrative by Melissa Febos |url=https://www.hippocampusmagazine.com/2022/04/review-body-work-the-radical-power-of-personal-narrative-by-melissa-febos/ |website=Hippocampus Magazine}} Retrieved 2026-05-30.</ref> ''Kirkus Reviews'' starred review described the book as a "strongly worded manifesto—despite her claim on the first page that it is not a manifesto. In fact, her impassioned theses and proclamations about writing are exactly that... She further points out that memoirists do not publish raw therapeutic diaries but crafted literary works with the power to change the world."<ref>{{Cite web|title=Body Work by Melissa Febos, Review |url=https://www.kirkusreviews.com/book-reviews/melissa-febos/body-work-febos/ |website=Kirkus Reviews}} Retrieved 2026-05-30.</ref> ''Cleveland Review of Books'' noted that the collection "examines the intersection of trauma, art-making, and social change. The book is a call to action, a protest song, an organizing principle, and perhaps the only book you need on memoir writing."<ref>{{Cite web|title=Writing for the Future: On Melissa Febos’ “Body Work” |last=Pattison-Scott |first=Ashley |url=https://clereviewofbooks.com/melissa-febos-body-work-review/ |website=Cleveland Review of Books}} Retrieved 2026-05-30.</ref>
''The Dry Season'', her second memoir, was published by Alfred A. Knopf in 2025. The book received a starred review from ''Kirkus Reviews,'' which noted: "Although a book about abstention, at its essence this story is about understanding, reclaiming, and celebrating pleasure, rendered sublimely and with wit. A gorgeous and thought-provoking memoir about how celibacy can teach us about love."<ref>{{Cite web|title=The Dry Season: A Memoir of Pleasure in the Year Without Sex |url=https://www.kirkusreviews.com/book-reviews/melissa-febos/the-dry-season/ |website=Kirkus Reviews}} Retrieved 2026-05-30.</ref>
Febos has taught at SUNY Purchase College, the Gotham Writers' Workshop, The New School, Sarah Lawrence College, New York University, and Utica College. Until 2020, she was an Associate Professor and MFA Director at Monmouth University.<ref name="Wayne D. McMurray">[http://www.monmouth.edu/school-of-humanities-social-sciences/english/meet-our-faculty.aspx Wayne D. McMurray School of Humanities and Social Sciences]</ref> She currently holds the Roy J. Carver Professorship at the University of Iowa, where she is Director of the Nonfiction Writing Program.<ref name=iowafaculty>{{cite web|accessdate=2021-02-15|title=Melissa Febos|url=https://english.uiowa.edu/people/melissa-febos|website=College of Liberal Arts and Sciences, The University of Iowa}}</ref>
==Reception== ''Abandon Me'' was one of "The Best Reviewed Books of 2017."<ref name="bookmarks.reviews" /> It was a Lambda Literary Award and Publishing Triangle Award finalist.<ref name=washpost /> ''The New Yorker'' called it "mesmerizing" and wrote that "the sheer fearlessness of the narrative is captivating."<ref>{{Cite magazine|url=https://www.newyorker.com/magazine/2017/07/10/paradise-lost-abandon-me-jane-welsh-carlyle-and-her-victorian-world-and-do-i-make-myself-clear|title = Briefly Noted Book Reviews|magazine = The New Yorker|date = 3 July 2017}}</ref>
''Girlhood'' was featured on ''Morning Joe'' on MSNBC,<ref>{{Cite news|url=https://www.msnbc.com/morning-joe/watch/-girlhood-looks-at-the-trauma-of-adolescence-111624261706|title='Girlhood' looks at the trauma of adolescence|website=MSNBC}}</ref> and was well-reviewed by NPR.<ref>{{Cite news |last=Masad |first=Ilana |date=2021-03-30 |title=In 'Girlhood,' A Writer Examines Her Youth For Signs Of The Woman She Would Become |url=https://www.npr.org/2021/03/30/982610071/in-girlhood-a-writer-examines-her-youth-for-signs-of-the-woman-she-would-become |access-date=2025-12-21 |work=NPR |language=en}}</ref> ''Girlhood'' won the 2021 National Book Critics Circle Award in Criticism.<ref name=nbcca>{{Cite web |date=2022-02-14 |title=Girlhood by Melissa Febos: 2021 Criticism Finalist |url=https://www.bookcritics.org/2022/02/14/girlhood-by-melissa-febos-2021-criticism-finalist/ |access-date=2022-03-25 |website=National Book Critics Circle |language=en-US}}</ref> ''Body Work'', was a national bestseller and ''Los Angeles Times'' Bestseller.<ref>{{Cite web |date=15 March 2022 |title=Body Work: The Radical Power of Personal Narrative (Paperback) |url=https://www.prairielightsbooks.com/book/9781646220854 |access-date=2022-03-25 |website=Prairie Lights Books |language=en}}</ref>{{Citation needed|date=December 2025}}
Her fifth book, ''The Dry Season,'' was featured on ''TIME Magazine's'' "The 100 Must-Read Books of 2025" and ''Vulture's'' "The Best Books of 2025."<ref>{{Cite web|title=The Dry Season by Melissa Febos |url=https://time.com/collections/the-100-must-read-books-of-2025/7329496/the-dry-season/ |website=TIME Magazine}} Retrieved 2026-05-30.</ref><ref>{{Cite web|title=The Best Books of 2025 |url=https://www.vulture.com/article/best-books-2025.html |website=Vulture.com}} Retrieved 2026-05-30.</ref> It is currently a finalist for the 2026 Lambda Literary Awards; winners to be announced June 12, 2026.<ref>{{Cite web|title=Announcing the Finalists for the 38th Lambda Literary Awards |url=https://lambdaliterary.org/2026/03/announcing-the-finalists-for-the-38th-lambda-literary-awards/ |website=lambdaliterary.org}} Retrieved 2026-05-30.</ref>
== Personal life == Febos is queer. She lives in Iowa with her wife, the poet Donika Kelly.<ref>{{Cite web|date=2012-04-10|title=Rebel girls|url=https://www.salon.com/2012/04/10/rebel_girls/|access-date=2020-12-22|website=Salon|language=en}}</ref>
She spoke at House of SpeakEasy's Seriously Entertaining program about her childhood and rethinking often-normalized experiences of bullying.<ref>{{Cite web|date=2021-03-23|title=Seriously Entertaining: Melissa Febos on "From This Moment On"|url=https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=wWuKa6VZaHM|website=YouTube|language=en}}</ref>
==Awards== * 2010 MacDowell Colony Fellowship<ref name=":1">{{Cite web |title=Melissa Febos - MacDowell Fellow in Literature |url=https://www.macdowell.org/artists/melissa-febos |access-date=2025-12-21 |website=MacDowell |language=en}}</ref> * 2011 MacDowell Colony Fellowship<ref name=":1" /> * 2012 Bread Loaf Writers' Conference Fellowship<ref name=":2">{{Cite web |title=Melissa Febos |url=https://www.sarahlawrence.edu/faculty/febos-melissa.html |access-date=2025-12-21 |website=Sarah Lawrence College |language=en}}</ref> * 2013 Prairie Schooner Creative Nonfiction Prize<ref>{{Cite web |last=Febos |first=Melissa |title=A Big Shitty Party: Six Parables of Writing about Other People |url=https://kenyonreview.org/piece/melissa-febos/ |access-date=2025-12-21 |website=The Kenyon Review |language=en-US}}</ref> * 2013 Barbara Deming Memorial Fund Fellowship<ref>{{Cite web |title=Awards |url=https://www.demingfund.org/awards |access-date=2025-12-21 |website=BARBARA DEMING MEMORIAL FUND, INC |language=en-US}}</ref> * 2014 Virginia Center for Creative Arts Fellowship<ref name=":2" /> * 2014 Story Quarterly Essay Prize * 2014 MacDowell Colony Fellowship<ref name=":1" /> * 2015 Center for Women Writers Creative Nonfiction Prize<ref>{{Cite web |title=Melissa Febos |url=https://www.guernicamag.com/author/melissa-febos/ |url-status=live |archive-url=https://web.archive.org/web/20251218065016/https://www.guernicamag.com/author/melissa-febos/ |archive-date=2025-12-18 |access-date=2025-12-21 |website=Guernica |language=en-US }}</ref> * 2015 Lower Manhattan Cultural Council Process Space Residency<ref>{{Cite web |title=Alumni |url=https://lmcc.net/about/alumni/ |access-date=2025-12-21 |website=LMCC |language=en-US}}</ref> * 2015 Vermont Studio Center Fellowship * 2017 Ragdale Residency * 2018 Lower Manhattan Cultural Council Sarah Verdone Writing Award<ref>{{Cite web |title=The Winners |url=https://www.sarahverdonewritingaward.com/the-winners |access-date=2025-12-21 |website=The Sarah Verdone Writing Award |language=en-US}}</ref> * 2018 Lambda Literary Award finalist in Memoir/Biography<ref>{{Cite web |last=Boureau |first=Ella |date=6 March 2018 |title=30th Annual Lambda Literary Award Finalists Announced |url=https://www.lambdaliterary.org/features/news/03/06/lambda-literary-award-finalists/ |website=Lambda Literary}}</ref> * 2018 finalist for the Judy Grahn Award<ref>{{Cite web |title=The Judy Grahn Award for Lesbian Nonfiction |url=https://publishingtriangle.org/awards/judy-grahn-lesbian-nonfiction/ |access-date=2025-12-21 |website=The Publishing Triangle |language=en-US}}</ref> * 2018 Jeanne Córdova Prize<ref name=JeanneCórdova>{{Cite web |date=15 May 2018 |title=Winner Announced for Jeanne Córdova Prize for Lesbian/Queer Nonfiction |url=https://www.lambdaliterary.org/features/news/05/15/jeanne-cordova-prize/ |website=Lambda Literary}}</ref> * 2018 BAU Institute Fellowship at the Camargo Foundation * 2018 Vermont Studio Center Fellowship * 2021 MacDowell Colony Fellowship<ref name=":1" /> * 2021 National Book Critics Circle Award in criticism<ref>{{Cite news|url=https://www.bookcritics.org/2022/03/17/announcing-the-winners-of-the-2021-national-book-critics-circle-awards/|title=Announcing the Winners of the 2021 National Book Critics Circle Awards|newspaper=National Book Critics Circle |date=17 March 2022|last1=Schaub |first1=Michael }}</ref> *2022 National Endowment for the Arts Literature Fellowship<ref>{{Cite web |title=Melissa Febos |url=https://www.arts.gov/impact/literary-arts/creative-writing-fellows/melissa-febos |website=National Endowment for the Arts}}</ref> * 2022 Guggenheim Fellowship in Nonfiction<ref>{{Cite web |last=Rossi |first=Jack |date=2022-04-13 |title=Febos named 2022 Guggenheim Fellow |url=https://now.uiowa.edu/news/2022/04/febos-named-2022-guggenheim-fellow |access-date=2025-12-21 |website=Iowa Now - The University of Iowa |language=en}}</ref>
==Bibliography== === Memoirs === * {{cite book |date=2010 |title=Whip Smart |location=New York, New York |publisher=St. Martin's Press |isbn=9780312583781}} * {{cite book |date=2025 |title= The Dry Season: A Memoir of Pleasure in a Year Without Sex |location=New York, New York |publisher=Knopf |isbn=9780593537237}}
=== Essay Collections === * {{cite book |date=2017 |title=Abandon Me |location=New York, New York |publisher=Bloomsbury USA |isbn=9781632866585}} * {{cite book |date=2021 |title=Girlhood |location=New York, New York |publisher=Bloomsbury USA |isbn=9781635572520}} * {{cite book |date=2022 |title=Body Work |location=New York, New York |publisher=Catapult Publishing |isbn= 9781646220854}}
==References== {{Reflist}}
==External links== *{{Official website|melissafebos.com}}
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{{DEFAULTSORT:Febos, Melissa}} Category:1980 births Category:Living people Category:American women bloggers Category:American bloggers Category:American dominatrices Category:BDSM writers Category:People from Falmouth, Massachusetts Category:Sarah Lawrence College alumni Category:The New School alumni Category:Writers from Massachusetts Category:Monmouth University faculty Category:21st-century American non-fiction writers Category:Harvard Extension School alumni Category:Bisexual women writers Category:Bisexual academics Category:21st-century American women writers Category:American bisexual writers Category:National Book Critics Circle Award winners Category:21st-century American women academics Category:21st-century American academics Category:American LGBTQ women writers Category:21st-century American women journalists