# Obsessive love

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<!-- Do not redirect this page to [Obsessive love disorder](/source/Obsessive_love_disorder). Please see the talk page. "Obsessive love" and "Obsessive love disorder" (OLD) are not identical ideas. "Obsessive love" may refer to other things besides OLD. Wikipedia has e.g. separate articles for [Anxiety](/source/Anxiety) and [Anxiety disorder](/source/Anxiety_disorder). When it comes to OLD, there are not medical reliable sources (see [WP:MEDRS](/source/WP%3AMEDRS)) specifying diagnostic criteria. OLD is not a proposed mental disorder, but rather an unofficial diagnosis which became popular online, then some health-related websites (which are generally unreliable sources according to the noticeboard) created articles about it. There is no mainstream academic discussion about OLD as a concept. In the Western-speaking world, [Love addiction](/source/Love_addiction) is the mainstream clinical idea. -->
{{Short description|Possessiveness and inability to accept disinterest or rejection}}

[[File:Apollo and Daphne (Bernini) (cropped).jpg|thumb|[''Apollo and Daphne''](/source/Apollo_and_Daphne_(Bernini)), by [Gian Lorenzo Bernini](/source/Gian_Lorenzo_Bernini). In [Greek mythology](/source/Greek_mythology), [Eros](/source/Eros) is said to have punished [Apollo](/source/Apollo) by firing an arrow to make him [fall in love](/source/Falling_in_love) with [Daphne](/source/Daphne), and another to make Daphne disgusted with him and flee. The sculpture depicts Daphne turning into a tree to escape the relentless pursuit of Apollo.<ref>{{Cite web |title=Apollo Pursuing Daphne |url=https://www.thecollector.com/apollo-and-daphne/ |access-date=19 July 2025 |website=National Gallery of Art}}</ref>]]

{{Love sidebar|types}}
'''Obsessive love''' is characterized by obsessive or compulsive attempts to possess or control an individual, especially triggered (or even intensified) by rejection.<ref name=":4">{{Harvard citation no brackets|Forward|Buck|2002|p=6–7, 10–12}}</ref> Obsessive love can also be distinguished from other forms of [romantic love](/source/romantic_love) by its [one-sidedness](/source/Unrequited_love) and repulsed approaches.<ref name=":2">{{Cite book |last=Reis |first=Harry |chapter=Obsessive Love |date=2009 |title=Encyclopedia of Human Relationships |url=https://sk.sagepub.com/ency/edvol/humanrelationships/toc |chapter-url=https://sk.sagepub.com/reference/humanrelationships/n379.xml |access-date=2025-07-20 |place= |publisher=[Sage Publishing](/source/Sage_Publishing) |doi=10.4135/9781412958479.n379 |isbn=978-1-4129-5846-2 |last2=Sprecher |first2=Susan |author-link=Harry Reis|url-access=subscription |quote=[M]uch like other forms of romantic love, [obsessive love] is accompanied by a motivation to approach a potential partner to fulfill needs for affiliation, closeness, intimacy, attachment, and sex; however, unlike other forms of love, obsessive love is marked by unequal commitment, lack of reciprocation, and repulsed approaches. Obsessive love is similar to infatuation, lust, a 'crush,' and limerence, all of which are viewed as an involuntary and emotional state of intense romantic desire for another person.}}</ref> Rejection is the "ultimate nightmare" to an obsessive lover, who can not let go when confronted with disinterest or the loss of a partner.<ref>{{Harvard citation no brackets|Forward|Buck|2002|p=9}}</ref> Usually obsessive love leads to [feelings of worthlessness](/source/Self-esteem), [self-destructive behavior](/source/self-destructive_behavior) and [social withdrawal](/source/social_withdrawal), but in some cases an obsessive lover may monitor or [stalk](/source/Stalking) the object of their [passion](/source/Passion_(emotion)), or commit acts of [violence](/source/violence).<ref name=":4" /><ref>{{Harvard citation no brackets|Millman|2002|pp=67-68}}</ref>

Most obsessional stalkers who are not [delusional](/source/Delusion) had some type of a [relationship](/source/Interpersonal_relationship) with their victim (an ex-partner), and have [personality disorders](/source/Personality_disorder).<ref name="stalking">{{cite web |title=Profile of the Stalker |url=http://www.uic.edu/depts/owa/stalking_profiles.html |url-status=dead |archive-url=https://web.archive.org/web/20150215050503/http://www.uic.edu/depts/owa/stalking_profiles.html |archive-date=15 February 2015 |work=Campus Advocacy Network |publisher=University of Illinois at Chicago}}</ref><ref name="mullen1999">{{Cite journal |last1=Mullen |first1=Paul |last2=Path |first2=Michele |last3=Purcell |first3=Rosemary |last4=Stuart |first4=Geoffrey |date=1 August 1999 |title=Study of Stalkers |journal=[The American Journal of Psychiatry](/source/The_American_Journal_of_Psychiatry) |volume=156 |issue=8 |pages=1244–1249 |doi=10.1176/ajp.156.8.1244 |pmid=10450267 |doi-access=free}}</ref>

== Comparison ==

The term "obsessive love" may also be compared to other concepts:<ref name="fisher2002">{{cite journal |last1=Fisher |first1=Helen |author-link=Helen Fisher (anthropologist) |last2=Aron |first2=Arthur |author-link2=Arthur Aron |last3=Mashek |first3=Debra |last4=Li |first4=Haifang |last5=Brown |first5=Lucy |date=October 2002 |title=Defining the Brain Systems of Lust, Romantic Attraction, and Attachment |url=https://link.springer.com/article/10.1023/A:1019888024255 |url-status=live |journal=[Archives of Sexual Behavior](/source/Archives_of_Sexual_Behavior) |volume=31 |issue=5 |pages=413–419 |doi=10.1023/A:1019888024255 |pmid=12238608 |url-access=subscription |archive-url=https://web.archive.org/web/20240218185715/https://link.springer.com/article/10.1023/A:1019888024255 |archive-date=18 February 2024 |access-date=18 February 2024|quote=The attraction system is characterized by increased energy and focused attention on a preferred mating partner. In humans, the attraction system (standardly called romantic love, obsessive love, passionate love, being in love, infatuation, or limerence) is also characterized by feelings of exhilaration, 'intrusive thinking' about the love object, and a craving for emotional union with this partner or potential partner.}}</ref><ref name=":2" /><ref name="bellamy-stalking">{{Cite web |last=Bellamy |first=Tom |date=21 November 2025 |title=Does Limerence Lead to Stalking? |url=https://www.psychologytoday.com/gb/blog/everyday-neuroscience/202511/does-limerence-lead-to-stalking |url-status=live |archive-url=https://archive.today/20251228202134/https://www.psychologytoday.com/gb/blog/everyday-neuroscience/202511/does-limerence-lead-to-stalking |archive-date=28 December 2025 |access-date=21 November 2025 |website=[Psychology Today](/source/Psychology_Today)}}</ref>

* The love style called ['''mania'''](/source/Colour_wheel_theory_of_love) (or manic love): possessive, dependent love. A manic lover is insecure, [jealous](/source/Jealousy), and needs reassurances of being loved. A manic lover is unsure of who attracts them, so they may fall in love with somebody they don't even like and project unrealistic qualities onto them.<ref name=":1">{{Harvard citation no brackets|Hatfield|Walster|1985|pp=38-39}}</ref><ref>{{Harvard citation no brackets|Lee|1988|pp=45-47, 51}}</ref> Among the other love styles, mania is most closely compared to [''eros''](/source/Colour_wheel_theory_of_love), which is erotic love or love of beauty. An eros lover is also intensely preoccupied with their beloved, but they are self-assured. The eros lover is in search of an ideal, and they tend to fall in love with somebody more appropriate.<ref name=":1" /><ref>{{Harvard citation no brackets|Lee|1988|pp=42-43, 50}}</ref><ref>{{Harvard citation no brackets|Lee|1977|pp=88-90}}</ref>

* '''[Passionate love](/source/Passionate_love)''' (or ['''infatuation'''](/source/Infatuation)): the kind of love felt in the early stage of a [relationship](/source/Interpersonal_relationship), or for a potential partner before a relationship has occurred (which can be [unrequited](/source/Unrequited_love)).<ref name="hatfield1985" /><ref name="refuting">{{cite journal |last1=Langeslag |first1=Sandra |author-link=Sandra Langeslag |date=2024 |title=Refuting Six Misconceptions about Romantic Love |journal=Behavioral Sciences |volume=14 |issue=5 |page=383 |doi=10.3390/bs14050383 |pmc=11117554 |pmid=38785874 |doi-access=free}}</ref><ref name="4th-dim">{{cite journal |last1=Berscheid |first1=Ellen |author-link=Ellen S. Berscheid |date=2010 |title=Love in the Fourth Dimension |url=https://www.annualreviews.org/content/journals/10.1146/annurev.psych.093008.100318 |journal=[Annual Review of Psychology](/source/Annual_Review_of_Psychology) |volume=61 |pages=1–25 |doi=10.1146/annurev.psych.093008.100318 |pmid=19575626 |url-access=subscription}}</ref> Passionate love is a state of intense longing for another, which has an obsessional element characterized by [intrusive thinking](/source/Intrusive_thought), uncertainty, and [mood swings](/source/Mood_swing).<ref name="hatfield1985">{{cite book |last=Hatfield |first=Elaine |author-link=Elaine Hatfield |url=https://books.google.com/books?id=0ZmURP07dsoC |title=The Psychology of Love |publisher=Yale University Press |year=1988 |isbn=9780300045895 |pages=191–217 |access-date=2024-05-16 |archive-url=https://web.archive.org/web/20240525231905/https://books.google.com/books?id=0ZmURP07dsoC |archive-date=2024-05-25 |url-status=live}}</ref><ref name=":0">{{Cite journal |last1=Acevedo |first1=Bianca |author-link=Bianca Acevedo |last2=Aron |first2=Arthur |author-link2=Arthur Aron |date=1 March 2009 |title=Does a Long-Term Relationship Kill Romantic Love? |url=https://journals.sagepub.com/doi/10.1037/a0014226 |journal=[Review of General Psychology](/source/Review_of_General_Psychology) |volume=13 |issue=1 |pages=59–65 |doi=10.1037/a0014226 |url-access=subscription}}</ref> Passionate love is commonly contrasted with [''companionate love''](/source/Companionate_love), the gentler feelings of affection or bonding which take more time to develop.<ref name="hatfield1985" /><ref name="refuting" /> Passionate love is a relatively broad concept which encapsulates and combines aspects of other more precise taxonomies, but while ignoring their finer distinctions (such as the distinction between eros and mania, which roughly correspond to passionate love when taken together).<ref>{{Harvard citation no brackets|Tallis|2005|pp=47–48}}</ref><ref name="hatfield1985" /><ref name=":0" /><ref>{{harvnb|Lee|1998|p=41}}</ref>

* '''[Limerence](/source/Limerence)''': love madness or all-absorbing infatuated love (comparable to passionate love), commonly for an unreachable person.<ref>{{Cite book |last=Beam |first=Joe |author-link=Joe Beam |url=https://books.google.com/books?id=0jBi87OOUosC |title=The Art of Falling in Love |date=2013 |publisher=Simon and Schuster |isbn=978-1-4516-7265-7 |pages=72, 75 |language=en}}</ref><ref name="Hayes">{{Citation |last1=Hayes |first1=Nicky |title=Foundations of Psychology |pages=457–458 |year=2000 |edition=3rd |place=London |publisher=Thomson Learning |isbn=1861525893 |author-link=Nicky Hayes}}</ref><ref name="fisher2002" /><ref>{{Cite web |last=Bellamy |first=Tom |date=13 September 2025 |title=Obsessive love explained |url=https://livingwithlimerence.com/obsessive-love-explained/ |url-status=live |archive-url=https://web.archive.org/web/20250927133705/https://livingwithlimerence.com/obsessive-love-explained/ |archive-date=27 September 2025 |access-date=27 September 2025 |website=Living with Limerence}}</ref> Limerence is said to be "a condition of cognitive obsession" where the person experiencing it spends much of their time fantasizing about their love object (called the "limerent object"), the kind of love [Romeo and Juliet](/source/Romeo_and_Juliet) felt for each other.<ref>{{harvnb|Tennov|1999|p=23, 33, 57}}</ref><ref name="Hayes" /> Limerence can impact day-to-day functioning and [mental health](/source/mental_health).<ref>{{Cite news |last=Chong |first=Elaine |date=2021-02-13 |title=When you can't quit a crush |url=https://www.theguardian.com/lifeandstyle/2021/feb/13/when-you-cant-quit-a-crush |url-status=live |archive-url=https://web.archive.org/web/20231215185441/https://www.theguardian.com/lifeandstyle/2021/feb/13/when-you-cant-quit-a-crush |archive-date=15 December 2023 |access-date=2025-05-03 |work=[The Guardian](/source/The_Guardian) |language=en-GB |issn=0261-3077}}</ref> According to the inventor of the term, [Dorothy Tennov](/source/Dorothy_Tennov), limerence is supposed to be viewed as a normal state, and tragedies (e.g. [violence](/source/violence) or [suicide](/source/suicide)) only seem to happen when limerence is "augmented and distorted" by other conditions.<ref>{{Harvard citation no brackets|Tallis|2005|p=43}}</ref><ref>{{Harvard citation no brackets|Tennov|1999|pp=7, 89-90, 180}}</ref> Limerence is usually unrequited (resulting in a [lovesickness](/source/lovesickness) which can be hard to end), but it can be reciprocated.<ref name="Hayes" /><ref>{{Harvard citation no brackets|Tennov|1999|pp=129, 133}}</ref><ref>{{Harvard citation no brackets|Tennov|1998|p=79}}</ref> In cases of mutual limerence (as in ''Romeo and Juliet''), according to Tennov's original theory, there must be obstacles to the relationship for the mutual preoccupation to intensify.<ref>{{Harvard citation no brackets|Tennov|1999|pp=44–45, 56–57, 129}}</ref>

* ['''Love addiction'''](/source/Love_addiction): a proposed disorder involving love relations characterized by severe [distress](/source/Distress_(medicine)) and problematic passion-seeking despite adverse consequences.<ref>{{Cite book |last=Bolshakova |first=Maria |chapter=Passionate Love Addiction: An Evolutionary Survival Mechanism That Can Go Terribly Wrong |date=2020-08-31 |title=The Cambridge Handbook of Substance and Behavioral Addictions |pages=262–270 |editor-last=Sussman |editor-first=Steve |chapter-url=https://www.cambridge.org/core/product/identifier/9781108632591%23CN-bp-20/type/book_part |url=https://www.cambridge.org/core/books/cambridge-handbook-of-substance-and-behavioral-addictions/BCC5E21F274B1F7F986ED8DA7E3D68C3 |access-date=2025-06-12 |edition=1 |publisher=Cambridge University Press |doi=10.1017/9781108632591.026 |isbn=978-1-108-63259-1 |last2=Fisher |first2=Helen |last3=Aubin |first3=Henri-Jean |last4=Sussman |first4=Steve |author-link2=Helen Fisher (anthropologist) |url-access=subscription}}</ref><ref name="reynaud2010">{{cite journal |vauthors=Reynaud M, Karila L, Blecha L, Benyamina A |year=2010 |title=Is love passion an addictive disorder? |journal=Am J Drug Alcohol Abuse |volume=36 |issue=5 |pages=261–7 |doi=10.3109/00952990.2010.495183 |pmid=20545601 |s2cid=12189769}}</ref> Academics do not currently agree on when love is an addiction, or when it needs to be treated.<ref name=":3">{{Cite journal |last1=Earp |first1=Brian D. |author-link=Brian Earp |last2=Wudarczyk |first2=Olga A. |last3=Foddy |first3=Bennett |last4=Savulescu |first4=Julian |author-link4=Julian Savulescu |date=2017 |title=Addicted to Love: What Is Love Addiction and When Should It Be Treated? |journal=Philosophy, Psychiatry, & Psychology |language=en |volume=24 |issue=1 |pages=77–92 |doi=10.1353/ppp.2017.0011 |issn=1086-3303 |pmc=5378292 |pmid=28381923}}</ref>

* '''[Erotomania](/source/Erotomania)''': a [delusional disorder](/source/delusional_disorder) where the sufferer has a [delusional](/source/delusional) belief that their love is reciprocated when it isn't (also called "[de Clérambault's](/source/Ga%C3%ABtan_Gatian_de_Cl%C3%A9rambault) syndrome").<ref name="tallis-erotomania">{{Harvard citation no brackets|Tallis|2005|pp=162–167}}</ref><ref name="bellamy-stalking" /> A subject with erotomania will invent reasons to explain or excuse rejections, however extreme, so they continue believing their love is (secretly) reciprocated.<ref name="tallis-erotomania" /> A related condition has been termed "morbid infatuation", where the sufferer does ''not'' believe their love is reciprocated, but still believes with a delusional intensity in the legitimacy and eventual success of their attempts to pursue a relationship (despite repeated rejections).<ref name="mullen1999" /><ref name="mullen1994">{{Cite journal |last=Mullen |first=Paul E. |last2=Pathé |first2=Michele |date=November 1994 |title=The Pathological Extensions of Love |url=https://www.cambridge.org/core/product/identifier/S0007125000073177/type/journal_article |journal=British Journal of Psychiatry |language=en |volume=165 |issue=5 |pages=614–623 |doi=10.1192/bjp.165.5.614 |issn=0007-1250|url-access=subscription }}</ref> Both kinds of delusions are common among [stalkers](/source/Stalking) who did not have any relationship with their target.<ref name="mullen1999" /> A classification problem exists where morbid infatuations do not fall under a [DSM](/source/Diagnostic_and_Statistical_Manual_of_Mental_Disorders) erotomania diagnosis, because the DSM diagnosis was designed with features of de Clérambault's syndrome in mind.<ref name="mullen1999" /><ref name="mullen1994" /><ref name="tallis-erotomania" /> Historically, the term "erotomania" also did not have a precise definition.<ref name="tallis-erotomania" />

* '''Obsessive love disorder''': an unofficial diagnosis commonly found [online](/source/Internet), but not in the [DSM](/source/Diagnostic_and_Statistical_Manual_of_Mental_Disorders).<ref>{{Cite web |last=Ingle |first=Rhiannon |date=2025-04-28 |title=Psychologist reveals what they’d actually diagnose Joe Goldberg with as You season five leaves Netflix viewers confused |url=https://uk.style.yahoo.com/psychologist-reveals-d-actually-diagnose-153452432.html |access-date=2025-07-19 |website=[Yahoo](/source/Yahoo!_Life) |language=en-GB}}</ref><ref>{{Cite web |last=Shah |first=Yusra |date=2024-11-01 |title=Obsessive Love Disorder: Definitions, Causes, Treatment |url=https://www.treatmyocd.com/blog/what-is-obsessive-love-disorder |access-date=2025-07-19 |website=NOCD |language=en-US}}</ref>

== Psychology ==
The problem with obsessive love is not so much a question of loving too intensely, but rather of [anger](/source/anger) over rejection, or feelings of [abandonment](/source/Abandonment_(emotional)).<ref>{{Harvard citation no brackets|Millman|2002|p=67}}</ref> [Susan Forward](/source/Susan_Forward) states that in her practice, she found four conditions which helped clarify when somebody is suffering from obsessive love:<ref>{{Harvard citation no brackets|Forward|Buck|2002|p=6}}</ref>

{{Blockquote|text={{ordered list
|They must have a painful, all-consuming preoccupation with a real or wished-for lover.
|They must have an insatiable longing either to possess or to be possessed by the target of their obsession.
|Their target must have rejected them or be unavailable in some way, either physically or emotionally.
|Their target's unavailability or rejection must drive them to behave in self-defeating ways.
}}|author=Susan Forward|title=''Obsessive Love: When It Hurts Too Much to Let Go''}}

John Moore describes the process of those who "confuse love with obsession" as a cycle of four phases he calls the "Obsessive Relational Progression":<ref>{{harvnb|Moore|2010|pp=131–136}}</ref>

# '''Attraction''', characterized by an initial overwhelming attraction to a new person, unrealistic fantasies, an immediate urge to rush into a relationship, and the start of [controlling behaviors](/source/Controlling_behavior_in_relationships).
# '''Anxiety''', a turning point which usually occurs after a [commitment](/source/Committed_relationship) has been made, where unfounded thoughts of [infidelity](/source/infidelity), [betrayal](/source/betrayal) and [fear of abandonment](/source/fear_of_abandonment) occur, resulting in [mistrust](/source/mistrust), [depression](/source/Depression_(mood)), [anxiety](/source/anxiety), and the escalation of controlling behaviors.
# '''Obsession''', when extreme behaviors begin to overwhelm, resulting in obsessive [surveillance](/source/surveillance), [stalking](/source/stalking), and possibly [violence](/source/violence).
# '''Destruction''', where the partner flees the relationship.

Obsessive love may be related to the [anxious attachment style](/source/Anxious-preoccupied_attachment).<ref>{{Cite news |last=Derrow |first=Paula |date=20 January 2014 |title=When Normal Love Turns Obsessive |url=https://www.cosmopolitan.com/entertainment/celebs/news/a5382/when-normal-love-turns-obsessive/ |url-status=deviated |archive-url=https://web.archive.org/web/20240925215031/https://www.cosmopolitan.com/entertainment/celebs/news/a5382/when-normal-love-turns-obsessive/ |archive-date=25 September 2024 |access-date=25 September 2024 |work=[Cosmopolitan](/source/Cosmopolitan_(magazine))}}</ref> The mania love attitude (for obsessive, dependent love) has been correlated with attachment anxiety, and also the personality trait [neuroticism](/source/neuroticism).<ref>{{Cite journal |last=Karandashev |first=Victor |date=December 2022 |title=Adaptive and Maladaptive Love Attitudes |url=https://interpersona.psychopen.eu/index.php/interpersona/article/view/6283 |journal=Interpersona: An International Journal on Personal Relationships |volume=16 |issue=2 |pages=158–177 |doi=10.5964/ijpr.6283 |doi-access=free}}</ref><ref>{{harvnb|Hendrick|Hendrick|2006|p=156}}</ref> A study using the [''Passionate Love Scale''](/source/Passionate_Love_Scale) showed that while passionate love with obsession was associated with relationship satisfaction in short-term relationships, it was associated with slightly decreased satisfaction over time.<ref name=":0" />

In the ''dualistic model of passion'', a distinction is made between two types of passion: ''harmonious passion'' (where the person experiencing it feels positive and in control) and ''obsessive passion'' (where the person experiencing it feels a loss of control, and it interferes with their life). This is reminiscent of the distinction between the [love styles](/source/love_styles) eros (harmonious) and mania (obsessive). One study found that harmonious romantic passion was strongly correlated (positively) with [secure attachment](/source/secure_attachment), and obsessive romantic passion was moderately correlated (positively) with anxious attachment. Obsessive passion has also been associated with maladaptive [conflict resolution](/source/conflict_resolution) strategies in relationships (e.g. criticism, contempt, defensiveness).<ref>{{Cite journal |last=Paquette |first=Virginie |last2=Rapaport |first2=Maylys |last3=St-Louis |first3=Ariane C. |last4=Vallerand |first4=Robert J. |author-link4=Robert J. Vallerand |date=August 2020 |title=Why are you passionately in love? Attachment styles as determinants of romantic passion and conflict resolution strategies |url=http://link.springer.com/10.1007/s11031-020-09821-x |journal=Motivation and Emotion |language=en |volume=44 |issue=4 |pages=621–639 |doi=10.1007/s11031-020-09821-x |issn=0146-7239|url-access=subscription }}</ref>

The [anthropologist](/source/anthropologist) [Helen Fisher](/source/Helen_Fisher_(anthropologist)) believed that "abandonment rage" (anger after a rejection) can be explained in terms of the [frustration–aggression hypothesis](/source/frustration%E2%80%93aggression_hypothesis), where rage is triggered when an expected reward is in jeopardy. Romantic love and rage are connected in the brain by similar circuitry; both involve arousal and energy production, and both drive obsessive focus and goal-directed behaviors. Fisher believed that ordinarily the evolutionary purpose of abandonment rage is to facilitate separation and the search for a new partner, although sometimes abandonment rage erupts into violence instead.<ref>{{Harvard citation no brackets|Fisher|2004|pp=164–168}}</ref>

Another feature of obsessive love is [jealousy](/source/jealousy),<ref>{{Harvard citation no brackets|Forward|Buck|2002|p=9}}</ref> which seems to be related to [OCD](/source/Obsessive%E2%80%93compulsive_disorder) for its obsessional qualities and compulsive checking (for signs of infidelity). This can also take the form of [pathological jealousy](/source/pathological_jealousy) (or "[Othello](/source/Othello) syndrome") where the sufferer has a [delusional](/source/Delusion) or [paranoid](/source/Paranoia) belief in their partner's infidelity, despite actual evidence.<ref>{{Harvard citation no brackets|Tallis|2005|pp=209–211}}</ref> Jealousy is strongly associated with [irritability](/source/irritability), which can erupt into violence: spousal [murder](/source/murder) is often related to infidelity (real or suspected). It has been suggested that this seemingly self-defeating behavior of murdering one's own partner results from a kind of "[brinkmanship](/source/brinkmanship)", where a looming threat of violence is used to control women as [sexual partners](/source/Sexual_partner)—a threat which sometimes (paradoxically) escalates into actual violence to be "credible".<ref>{{Harvard citation no brackets|Tallis|2005|pp=210, 212–213}}</ref>

It is argued that non-pathological jealousy evolved as protection against reproductive competition, which is adaptive as long as it serves to maintain a relationship.<ref>{{Harvard citation no brackets|Tallis|2005|p=|pp=200–201}}</ref>

== Stalking ==
{{Main article|Stalking}}

Love obsessionality can in some cases lead to stalking, although stalkers also often have other conditions.<ref name="bellamy-stalking" /> Like [falling in love](/source/falling_in_love), stalking is also described as a form of [addiction](/source/addiction).<ref>{{Cite journal |last=Donatella Marazziti |last2=Valentina Falaschi |last3=Amedeo Lombardi |last4=Francesco Mungai |last5=Liliana Dell’Osso |date=2015-01-01 |title=Stalking: a neurobiological perspective |url=https://doi.org/10.1708/1794.19528 |journal=Rivista di Psichiatria |issue=2015Gennaio-Febbraio |doi=10.1708/1794.19528|hdl=11568/800458 |hdl-access=free }}</ref> A 1999 study by Paul Mullen and colleagues classified 145 stalkers according to several kinds of groups:<ref name="mullen1999" />

<ul>
<li>Rejected [ex-partners](/source/Ex_Partner) (41 of 145), who mostly had [personality disorders](/source/Personality_disorder), although 9 were [delusional](/source/Delusion), 5 of whom had [morbid jealousy](/source/morbid_jealousy). Rejected stalkers often had mixed desire for reconciliation and [revenge](/source/revenge), as well as frustration, anger, jealousy, vindictiveness, and sadness.</li>
<li>Intimacy seekers (49 of 145), who were attempting to establish an [intimate relationship](/source/intimate_relationship) with their "true love", most of whom were delusional, and further classified as follows:
<ul style="list-style-type: circle">
<li>Those with [erotomania](/source/erotomania) (27 of 145), with a delusional belief their love was reciprocated.</li>
<li>Those with morbid infatuations (22 of 145), who did not believe their love was reciprocated but still believed a delusion of their eventual success.</li>
<li>Those who had personality disorders (7 of 145), but were not delusional.</li>
</ul></li>
<li>Incompetent stalkers (22 of 145), who regarded their victims as attractive potential partners, but who were intellectually limited and socially incompetent instead of being [infatuated](/source/Infatuation).</li>
<li>The other 33 stalkers identified by the study had motives other than a relationship (e.g. broken [friendships](/source/Friendship)/[family](/source/family), [sexual predation](/source/Sexual_predator), or [scaring](/source/Fear) a victim).</li>
</ul>

[Limerence](/source/Limerence) is another type of love obsession which is being compared to the others, but the motives and emotional foundations behind limerence are different from stalking.<ref name="bellamy-stalking" /><ref>{{Cite news|title=‘Desire in one of its rawest forms’: what do we know about limerence?|url=https://www.theguardian.com/lifeandstyle/2025/nov/29/limerence-meaning-overwhelming-infatuation-desire-mental-health|work=[The Guardian](/source/The_Guardian)|date=2025-11-29|access-date=2025-11-30|issn=0261-3077|language=en-GB|first=Nicole|last=Madigan}}</ref> A person in limerence hopes for mutual feelings, and their mood depends on whether their romantic interest seems to be returned, whereas the motive for stalking is to force contact, control or punish a victim for rejection. Limerence can cause distress if it becomes too intense, but it's also a feature of early-stage [romantic love](/source/romantic_love) for many people.<ref name="bellamy-stalking" />

== Neuroscience ==
{{See also|Reward theory of attraction#Neuroscience}}
{{Excerpt|Biology of romantic love|Obsessive thinking|paragraphs=1|only=paragraph}}
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{{Excerpt|Biology of romantic love|Reward, motivation and addiction|paragraphs=0|only=paragraph}}
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== Cultural references ==
The [ancient Greeks](/source/Ancient_Greece) called obsessive love "theia mania" (the madness from the gods), and [Greek mythology](/source/Greek_mythology) depicted it in stories such as [Apollo and Daphne](/source/Apollo_and_Daphne).<ref name=":1" /><ref>{{Cite web |date=12 February 2025 |title=When Eros Met Psyche: Types of Love in Ancient Greece |url=https://www.archaeological.org/when-eros-met-psyche-love-in-ancient-greece/ |url-status=live |archive-url=https://web.archive.org/web/20250526142647/https://www.archaeological.org/when-eros-met-psyche-love-in-ancient-greece/ |archive-date=26 May 2025 |access-date=20 July 2025 |website=[Archaeological Institute of America](/source/Archaeological_Institute_of_America)}}</ref>

Obsessive love has been depicted in the movies [''Fatal Attraction''](/source/Fatal_Attraction) and [''Play Misty for Me''](/source/Play_Misty_for_Me), and the novel [''Wuthering Heights''](/source/Wuthering_Heights).<ref>{{Harvard citation no brackets|Millman|2002|pp=67, 74}}</ref>

==See also==
{{Portal|Psychology}}
<!-- Alphabetical order please, per [WP:SEEALSO](/source/WP%3ASEEALSO) -->
<!-- Please add a short description per [WP:SEEALSO](/source/WP%3ASEEALSO); via {{subst:AnnotatedListOfLinks}} or {{Annotated link}} -->
{{div col|colwidth=20em|small=yes}}
* {{Annotated link|Anxious-preoccupied attachment}}
* {{Annotated link|Broken heart}}
* {{Annotated link|Control freak}}
* {{Annotated link|Controlling behavior in relationships}}
* {{Annotated link|Domestic violence}}
* {{Annotated link|Erotomania}}
* {{Annotated link|Limerence}}
* {{Annotated link|Lovesickness}}
* {{Annotated link|Love addiction}}
* {{Annotated link|Pathological jealousy}}
* {{Annotated link|Relationship obsessive–compulsive disorder}}
* {{Annotated link|Stalking}}
* {{Annotated link|Unrequited love}}
* {{Annotated link|Yandere}}
{{div col end}}
<!-- Alphabetical order please per [WP:SEEALSO](/source/WP%3ASEEALSO) -->

== References ==
{{reflist}}

== Bibliography ==
{{Refbegin|indent=yes}}
* {{Cite book |last=Fisher | first=Helen | author-link=Helen Fisher (anthropologist) | title=Why We Love: The Nature and Chemistry of Romantic Love | url=https://books.google.com/books?id=SPxmHKLwj3MC | access-date=5 May 2024 | year=2004 | publisher=[Henry Holt and Company](/source/Henry_Holt_and_Company) | isbn=978-0-8050-7796-4 | archive-date=23 May 2024 | archive-url=https://web.archive.org/web/20240523011317/https://books.google.com/books/about/Why_We_Love.html?id=SPxmHKLwj3MC | url-status=live }}
* {{Cite book |last=Fisher |first=Helen |author-link=Helen Fisher (anthropologist) |url=https://books.google.com/books?id=sWFYCgAAQBAJ |title=Anatomy of Love: A Natural History of Mating, Marriage, and Why We Stray (Completely Revised and Updated) |publisher=W. W. Norton & Company |year=2016 |isbn=978-0-393-34974-0 |access-date=18 February 2024 |archive-url=https://web.archive.org/web/20240218225538/https://books.google.com/books?id=sWFYCgAAQBAJ |archive-date=18 February 2024 |url-status=live}}
* {{Cite book |last=Forward |first=Susan |author-link=Susan Forward |url=https://books.google.com/books?id=ET7gwrrxjz4C |title=Obsessive Love: When It Hurts Too Much to Let Go |last2=Buck |first2=Craig |date=2002-01-02 |publisher=Random House Publishing Group |isbn=978-0-553-38142-9 |language=en}}
* {{Cite book |last1=Hatfield | first1=Elaine | last2=Walster | first2=G. William | author-link=Elaine Hatfield | year=1985 | title=A New Look at Love | url=https://books.google.com/books?id=VBZgXsk-gsAC | access-date=3 July 2024 | publisher=University Press of America | isbn=9780819149572 }}
* {{Cite book |last1=Hendrick |first1=Clyde |first2=Susan S. |last2=Hendrick |chapter=Styles of Romantic Love |editor-first1=Robert |editor-last1=Sternberg |editor-link1=Robert Sternberg |editor-first2=Karin |editor-last2=Weis |title=The New Psychology of Love |author-link=Clyde Hendrick |url=https://books.google.com/books?id=bUSRsXs2kGEC |access-date=6 April 2025 |year=2006 |publisher=Yale University Press |isbn=9780300116977 |pages=149–170}}
* {{Cite book |last=Lee |first=John |author-link=John Alan Lee |year=1977 |title=The Colors of Love |publisher=[Bantam Books](/source/Bantam_Books) |isbn=0-553-10520-5}}
* {{Cite book |last=Lee |first=John |author-link=John Alan Lee |year=1988 |chapter=Love-Styles |editor-first=Robert |editor-last=Sternberg |editor-link=Robert Sternberg |title=The Psychology of Love|url=https://books.google.com/books?id=HuFB9FvpffgC |access-date=10 January 2025 |publisher=Yale University Press |isbn= 0-300-03950-6|pages=38–67}}
* {{Cite book |last=Lee |first=John |author-link=John Alan Lee |year=1998 |chapter=Ideologies of Lovestyle and Sexstyle|editor-first=Victor C.|editor-last=De Munck |title=Romantic Love and Sexual Behavior: Perspectives from the Social Sciences|url=https://books.google.com/books?id=I78VnFoINgQC |access-date=8 September 2024 |publisher= Greenwood Publishing Group |isbn= 978-0-275-95726-1 |pages=33–76}}
* {{Cite book |last=Millman |first=Marcia |url=https://books.google.com/books?id=YOq3FZCkFF8C |title=The Seven Stories of Love: How to Recognize Your Own Pattern of Love--and Choose Your Happy Ending |date=2002-02-05 |publisher=[HarperCollins](/source/HarperCollins) |isbn=978-0-06-000786-7 |language=en}}
* {{Cite book |last=Moore |first=John D. |url=https://books.google.com/books?id=QB_XDQAAQBAJ |title=Confusing Love With Obsession: When Being in Love Means Being in Control |date=2010-08-04 |publisher=Simon and Schuster |isbn=978-1-59285-964-1 |language=en}}
* {{Cite book |last=Tallis |first=Frank |author-link=Frank Tallis |url=https://books.google.com/books?vid=ISBN9781560256472 |title=Love Sick: Love as a Mental Illness |date=January 2005 |publisher=Thunder's Mouth Press |isbn=978-1-56025-647-2 |language=en}}
* {{Cite book |last=Tennov |first=Dorothy |author-link=Dorothy Tennov |url=https://books.google.com/books?id=uPsDAAAACAAJ |title=Love and Limerence: The Experience of Being in Love |publisher=Scarborough House |year=1999 |isbn=978-0-8128-6286-7 |access-date=12 March 2011 |archive-url=https://web.archive.org/web/20230327220413/https://books.google.com/books?id=uPsDAAAACAAJ |archive-date=27 March 2023 |url-status=live}}
* {{Cite book |last=Tennov |first=Dorothy |author-link=Dorothy Tennov |year=1998 |chapter=Love Madness |editor-last=De Munck |editor-first=Victor C. |title=Romantic Love and Sexual Behavior: Perspectives from the Social Sciences |url=https://books.google.com/books?id=I78VnFoINgQC |access-date=8 September 2024 |publisher= Greenwood Publishing Group |isbn= 978-0-275-95726-1 |pages=77–88}}
{{Refend}}

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Category:Emotional issues
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---
Adapted from the Wikipedia article [Obsessive love](https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Obsessive_love) by Wikipedia contributors ([contributor history](https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Obsessive_love?action=history)). Available under [Creative Commons Attribution-ShareAlike 4.0 International](https://creativecommons.org/licenses/by-sa/4.0/). Changes may have been made.