# Cinderella complex

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Unconscious desire to be taken care of by someone else

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This article is about the syndrome. For the song, see [C\C (Cinderella\Complex)](/source/C%5CC_(Cinderella%5CComplex)).

Not to be confused with [Cinderella effect](/source/Cinderella_effect).

[Colette Dowling](/source/Colette_Dowling) in 1989.

The **Cinderella complex** was first described by [Colette Dowling](/source/Colette_Dowling),[1] who wrote a book on women's fear of [independence](/source/Independence) – an unconscious desire to be taken care of by someone else. The complex is said to become more apparent as a person grows older.[2][*[better source needed](https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Wikipedia:Verifiability#Questionable_sources)*]

The complex is named after the [fairy tale](/source/Fairy_tale) character of [Cinderella](/source/Cinderella). Its title refers to an ideal of [femininity](/source/Femininity) as portrayed in that story, where a woman is expected to be beautiful, polite, supportive of others but fundamentally incapable of either taking care of herself or changing her situation through her own efforts. Instead she is taught that she needs to be protected and taken care by another, usually a man. (i.e., the [Prince](/source/Prince_Charming)). Dowling examines the deleterious effects of this socialization on the psychology of girls and women.

## "The Cinderella Syndrome"

In 1981, [Colette Dowling](/source/Colette_Dowling) published an article titled "The Cinderella Syndrome" in *[The New York Times](/source/The_New_York_Times)*, which was adapted from her book, *The Cinderella Complex: Women's Hidden Fear of Independence* which was to be published that year.[3]

## Additional perspectives

Others point to [Ronald Fairbairn](/source/Ronald_Fairbairn)'s concept of mature dependency,[4] to challenge cultural disparagement of dependency in favor of an ideal of isolated independence.[5] [Carol Gilligan](/source/Carol_Gilligan)'s championship of a web of connections as a feminist goal,[4] rather than the solitary male hero, is also invoked to defend the Cinderella complex's tendency to define the self in terms of a mate/settled relationship.[6]

## Popular culture

In 1955, the term *Cinderella complex* was already used by British writer [Agatha Christie](/source/Agatha_Christie) in her detective story [Hickory Dickory Dock](/source/Hickory_Dickory_Dock_(novel)). The student of psychology, Colin McNabb, diagnoses a Cinderella complex with Celia Austin. And in 1960 [Osbert Sitwell](/source/Osbert_Sitwell) published the comedy *The Cinderella Complex*.

In the movie *[Tootsie](/source/Tootsie)*, [Teri Garr](/source/Teri_Garr) tells [Dustin Hoffman](/source/Dustin_Hoffman) during their break-up at the end of the movie, "I read the Cinderella Complex! I'm responsible for my own orgasm! I don't care, I just don't like to be lied to!"[7]

In the TV series *[Police Squad!](/source/Police_Squad!)* episode 4 "[Revenge and Remorse](/source/Revenge_and_Remorse_(The_Guilty_Alibi))", [Joyce Brothers](/source/Joyce_Brothers) gets advice from the shoeshine man Johnny about how to treat the Cinderella complex: "Tell them to get in touch with their unconscious feelings and to share in the growth process with their partner."

It is also mentioned in Netflix's *[Sex Education](/source/Sex_Education_(TV_series))* in season 1 episode 7.

## See also

- *[Bridget Jones](/source/Bridget_Jones)*

- [Family nexus](/source/Family_nexus)

- *[Pamela, or Virtue Rewarded](/source/Pamela%2C_or_Virtue_Rewarded)*

- [Sibling rivalry](/source/Sibling_rivalry)

## References

1. **[^](#cite_ref-1)** Colette Dowling (1981). [*The Cinderella Complex: Women's Hidden Fear of Independence*](https://archive.org/details/cinderellacomple00cole_1). Simon & Schuster. [ISBN](/source/ISBN_(identifier)) [0-671-73334-6](https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Special:BookSources/0-671-73334-6).

1. **[^](#cite_ref-2)** Weaver, R. (2017). Psychology Behind the Cinderella Complex. Retrieved January 27, 2017, from [http://www.empowher.com/mental-health/content/psychology-behind-cinderella-complex?page=0,1](http://www.empowher.com/mental-health/content/psychology-behind-cinderella-complex?page=0,1)

1. **[^](#cite_ref-3)** Dowling, Collette (1981-03-22). ["The Cinderella Syndrome"](https://www.nytimes.com/1981/03/22/magazine/the-cinderella-syndrome.html). *The New York Times*. [ISSN](/source/ISSN_(identifier)) [0362-4331](https://search.worldcat.org/issn/0362-4331). Retrieved 2022-07-22.

1. ^ [***a***](#cite_ref-v120_4-0) [***b***](#cite_ref-v120_4-1) [Judith Viorst](/source/Judith_Viorst) (2010) *Necessary Losses*. Simon & Schuster. [ISBN](/source/ISBN_(identifier)) [1439134863](https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Special:BookSources/1439134863). p. 120

1. **[^](#cite_ref-5)** Adam Phillips (1994) *On Flirtation*. Harvard University Press. [ISBN](/source/ISBN_(identifier)) [0674634403](https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Special:BookSources/0674634403). p. 53

1. **[^](#cite_ref-6)** R. J. Corsini (1999) *A Dictionary of Psychology*. Psychology Press. [ISBN](/source/ISBN_(identifier)) [158391028X](https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Special:BookSources/158391028X). p. 166

1. **[^](#cite_ref-tootsie_7-0)** [Sydney Pollack](/source/Sydney_Pollack) (director) (Dec 1, 1982). *Tootsie* (Motion picture). Manhattan, NY: Warner Bros, Columbia Pictures.

v t e "Cinderella" by Charles Perrault and the Brothers Grimm Universe Characters Cinderella Cinderella's stepsisters Fairy godmother Wicked stepmother Prince Charming Buttons Male versions Askeladden or Boots (Norwegian) Fire Boy (Japanese) National variation Bawang Merah Bawang Putih (Malay and Indonesian) Beauty and Pock Face (Chinese) Chūjō-hime (Japanese) Fair, Brown and Trembling (Irish) Finette Cendron (French) The Green Knight (Danish) Katie Woodencloak (Norwegian) Kongjwi and Patjwi (Korean) Maria (Philippines) Ochikubo Monogatari (Japanese) "Rhodopis" (Greek) Rushen Coatie (Scottish) The Sharp Grey Sheep (Scottish) The Story of Tấm and Cám (Vietnamese) Sumiyoshi Monogatari (Japanese) The True Bride (German) The Wonderful Birch (Russian) Ye Xian (Chinese) Media Films Cinderella (1899) Cinderella or the Glass Slipper (1912) Cinderella (1914) A Lowland Cinderella (1921) A Kiss for Cinderella (1925) Ella Cinders (1926) The Magic Shoes (1935) First Love (1939) Princess Cinderella (1941) Cinderella (1947) The Glass Slipper (1955) Cinderella (1955) Cinderfella (1960) Stop! Look! and Laugh! (1960) More Than a Miracle (1967) Three Wishes for Cinderella (1973) The Slipper and the Rose (1976) Cinderella (1979) Cinderella '80 (1984) Maid to Order (1987) Lua de Cristal (1990) If the Shoe Fits (1990) Ever After (1998) Ella Enchanted (2004) Cinderella (2006) Elle: A Modern Cinderella Tale (2010) Rags (2012) Cinderella (2021) Sneakerella (2022) Once upon a Crime (2023) Descendants: The Rise of Red (2024) The Ugly Stepsister (2025) A Cinderella Story series A Cinderella Story (2004) Another Cinderella Story (2008) Once Upon a Song (2011) If the Shoe Fits (2016) Christmas Wish (2019) Starstruck (2021) Disney's Cinderella Cinderella (1950) Dreams Come True (2002) A Twist in Time (2007) Cinderella (2015) Animation Cinderella Blues (1931) Poor Cinderella (1934) Cinderella Meets Fella (1938) Swing Shift Cinderella (1945) Ancient Fistory (1953) Señorella and the Glass Huarache (1964) Cinderella (1979) The Tender Tale of Cinderella Penguin (1981) The Magic Riddle (1991) Happily N'Ever After (2007) Year of the Fish (2008) Cendrillon au Far West (2012) Cinderella the Cat (2017) Charming (2018) Cinderella and the Secret Prince (2018) Television Hey, Cinderella! (1968) Cindy (1978) Cinderella Monogatari (1996) Cinderella (1997) CinderElmo (1999) Cinderella (2000) I Was a Rat/Cinderella and Me (2001) La Cenicienta (2003) Bawang Merah Bawang Putih (2004) Floricienta (2004) Floribella (2005 Brazil) Floribella (2006 Portugal) Grazilda (2010) Aik Nayee Cinderella (2012) Literary adaptations Celestina (1791) Ella Cinders (1925–1961) Cinderella, or the Little Glass Slipper (1954) Nine Coaches Waiting (1958) The Coachman Rat (1989) Witches Abroad (1991) Ella Enchanted (1997) I Was a Rat!: or, The Scarlet Slippers (1999) Just Ella (1999) Confessions of an Ugly Stepsister (1999) Chinese Cinderella (1999) The Fairy Godmother (2004) Phoenix and Ashes (2004) Bella at Midnight (2006) Ash (2009) Princess of Glass (2010) Cinder (2012) Opera Cendrillon (1810 Isouard) La Cenerentola (1817 Rossini) Cendrillon (1899 Massenet) Cendrillon (1904 Viardot) La Cenicienta (1966 Hen) Cinderella (2016 Deutscher) Ballet Cinderella (1893 Fitinhof-Schell) Aschenbrödel (1900 Strauss-Bayer) Cinderella (1945 Prokofiev) Cinderella (1948 Ashton) Musicals Cinderella and the Prince, or The Castle of Heart's Desire (1904) A Stubborn Cinderella (1909) Mr. Cinders (1929) Cinderella (1957) Cindy (1964) The Penny Friend (1966) The Slipper and the Rose (1984) Into the Woods (1987) Sisterella (1996) Soho Cinders (2008) Cinderella (2013) Cinderella (2020) Other Cinderella About to Try on the Glass Slipper (1842 painting) Cinderella at the Kitchen Fire (1843 painting) A Kiss for Cinderella (1916 play) Comics Cinderella: From Fabletown with Love Cinderalla Ella Cinders (1925–1961) Cinders (2012 video game) Pantomime Sinderella Songs "Spread a Little Happiness" (1929) "Bibbidi-Bobbidi-Boo" (1949) "A Dream Is a Wish Your Heart Makes" (1950) "Cinderella" (1987) "Hey Cinderella" (1993) "It's Midnight Cinderella" (1996) "Cinderella" (2001) "Cinderella" (2002) "Cinderella" (2003) "Stealing Cinderella" (2007) "Cinderella" (2007) "C\C (Cinderella\Complex)" (2008) "Bad Cinderella" (2020) "Million to One" (2021) "Bibbidiba" (2024) Albums Cinderella (1957 original television cast recording) A Cinderella Story (2004 soundtrack) Disney's Princess Favorites (2002) Cinderella (2013 cast album) Cinderella (2015 soundtrack) Cinderella (2021 soundtrack) Sociology Cinderella complex Cinderella effect The Cinderella Movement Commercials A Coach for Cinderella A Ride for Cinderella Adult Cinder Ellen up too Late Cinderella (1977) Naughty Cinderella Related Catskin Into the Woods Into the Woods (2014 film) Politically Correct Bedtime Stories Disney's characters Stop! Look! and Laugh! Waltz Suite Black Cinderella Two Goes East Cinderella's Stepsister Lying to Be Perfect Xuxa em O Mistério de Feiurinha (2009) Cinderella's Eyes (2011) Ralph Breaks the Internet (2018) Category

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Adapted from the Wikipedia article [Cinderella complex](https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Cinderella_complex) by Wikipedia contributors ([contributor history](https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Cinderella_complex?action=history)). Available under [Creative Commons Attribution-ShareAlike 4.0 International](https://creativecommons.org/licenses/by-sa/4.0/). Changes may have been made.