# Assertiveness

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Capacity of being self-assured without being aggressive to defend a point of view

**Assertiveness** is the quality of being self-assured and confident without being aggressive to defend a right point of view or a relevant statement. In the field of [psychology](/source/Psychology) and [psychotherapy](/source/Psychotherapy), it is a skill that can be learned and a mode of communication. *[Dorland's Medical Dictionary](/source/Dorland's_Medical_Dictionary)* defines assertiveness as:[1]

a form of behavior characterized by a confident declaration or affirmation of a statement without need of proof; this affirms the person's rights or point of view without either aggressively threatening the rights of another (assuming a position of dominance) or submissively permitting another to ignore or deny one's rights or point of view.

Assertiveness is a communication skill that can be taught and the skills of assertive communication effectively learned.

Assertiveness is a method of critical thinking, where an individual speaks up in defense of their views or in light of erroneous information. Additionally, assertive people are capable of being outspoken and analyze information and point out areas of information lacking substance, details or evidence. Thus, it can be noted that assertiveness supports creative thinking and effective communication.

However, during the second half of the 20th century, assertiveness was increasingly singled out as a behavioral skill taught by many [personal development](/source/Personal_development) experts, [behavior therapists](/source/Behavior_therapist), and [cognitive behavioral therapists](/source/Cognitive_behavioral_therapist). But now assertiveness is often linked to [self-esteem](/source/Self-esteem). The term and concept was popularized to the general public by books such as *Your Perfect Right: A Guide to Assertive Behavior* (1970) by Robert Eating.

## Training

[Joseph Wolpe](/source/Joseph_Wolpe) initially explored the use of assertiveness as a means of "[reciprocal inhibition](/source/Reciprocal_inhibition)" of anxiety, in his 1958 book on treating neurosis; and it has since been commonly employed as an intervention in [behavior therapy](/source/Behavior_therapy).[2] Assertiveness training was introduced by [Andrew Salter](/source/Andrew_Salter_(psychologist)) (1961)[3][*[full citation needed](https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Wikipedia:Citing_sources#What_information_to_include)*] and popularized by Joseph Wolpe.[4] Wolpe's belief was that a person could not be both assertive and anxious at the same time, and thus being assertive would inhibit anxiety. The goals of assertiveness training include:[5]

- increased awareness of personal rights

- differentiation between non-assertiveness and assertiveness

- differentiation between [passive–aggressiveness](/source/Passive%E2%80%93aggressiveness) and [aggressiveness](/source/Aggressiveness)

- learning both verbal and non-verbal assertiveness skills.

As a communication style and strategy, assertiveness is thus distinguished from both aggression and [passivity](/source/Passivity_(behavior)). How people deal with [personal boundaries](/source/Personal_boundaries), including their own and those of other people, helps to distinguish between these three concepts. Passive communicators are not likely to try to influence anyone else because they fear social conflict.[6] Because of this fear, passive communicators do not defend their own personal boundaries or ideas, and thus allow aggressive people to [abuse](/source/Abuse) or [manipulate](/source/Psychological_manipulation) them.[6] Additionally, they often hold in negative feelings such as anger because they allow this domination to happen.[6] Aggressive people do not [respect](/source/Respect) the personal boundaries of others and thus are liable to harm others by influencing them through personal attacks often taking the form of embarrassment.[6] A person communicates assertively by clearly stating their thoughts and/or feelings in a nonaggressive manner, often in an effort to influence others; doing so in a way that respects the personal boundaries of the other person, or people, involved and avoids negative confrontation.[6] Assertive people are also willing to defend themselves against aggressive people.

## Communication

Assertive communication involves respect for the boundaries of oneself and others. It also presumes an interest in the fulfillment of needs and wants through [cooperation](/source/Cooperation).[7]

According to the textbook *Cognitive Behavior Therapy* (2008), "Assertive communication of personal opinions, needs, and boundaries has been ... conceptualized as the behavioral middle ground, lying between ineffective passive and aggressive responses".[8] Such communication "emphasizes expressing feelings forthrightly, but in a way that will not spiral into aggression".[9]

An individual may employ an assertive communication if others' actions threaten one's boundaries, one communicates this to prevent escalation.[10]

In contrast, "aggressive communication" judges, threatens, lies, breaks confidences, stonewalls, and violates others' boundaries.

At the opposite end of the dialectic is "passive communication". Victims may passively permit others to violate their boundaries. At a later time, they may come back and attack with a sense of impunity or righteous indignation.

Assertive communication attempts to transcend these extremes by appealing to the shared interest of all parties; it "focuses on the issue, not the person".[11] Aggressive and/or passive communication, on the other hand, may mark a relationship's end,[12] and reduce self-respect.

## Characteristics

Assertive people tend to have the following characteristics:[13]

- They feel free to express their feelings, thoughts, and desires.

- They are "also able to initiate and maintain comfortable relationships with [other] people"[14]

- They know their rights.

- They have control over their anger. This does not mean that they repress this feeling. It means that they control anger and talk about it in a reasoning manner.

- "Assertive people ... are willing to compromise with others, rather than always wanting their own way ... and tend to have good self-esteem".[15]

## Techniques

Techniques of assertiveness can vary widely. Manuel Smith, in his 1975 book *When I Say No, I Feel Guilty*,[16] offered some of the following behaviors:

### Broken record

The "broken record" technique[16] consists of simply repeating your requests or your refusals every time you are met with resistance. The term comes from [vinyl records](/source/Vinyl_record), the surface of which when scratched would lead the needle of a [record player](/source/Record_player) to loop over the same few seconds of the recording indefinitely. "As with a broken record, the key to this approach is repetition ... where your partner will not take no for an answer."[17]

A disadvantage with this technique is that when resistance continues, your requests may lose power every time you have to repeat them. If the requests are repeated too often, it can backfire on the authority of your words. In these cases, it is necessary to have some sanctions on hand.

### Fogging

Fogging[16] consists of finding some limited truth to agree with in what an antagonist is saying. More specifically, one can *agree in part* or *agree in principle*.

### Negative inquiry

Negative inquiry[16] consists of requesting further, more specific criticism.

### Negative assertion

Negative assertion[16] is agreement with criticism without letting up demand.

### I-statements

[I-statements](/source/I-statements) can be used to voice one's feelings and wishes from a personal position without expressing a judgment about the other person or blaming one's feelings on them.

## Applications

Several research studies have identified assertiveness training as a useful tool in the prevention of alcohol-use disorders.[18] Psychological skills in general including assertiveness and [social skills](/source/Social_skills) have been posed as intervention for a variety of disorders with some empirical support.[19]

In connection with [gender theory](/source/Gender_theory), "[Tannen](/source/Deborah_Tannen) argues that men and women would both benefit from learning to use the others' style. ... So, women would benefit from assertiveness training just as men might benefit from [sensitivity training](/source/Sensitivity_training)".[20][21]

Regarding [language revitalization](/source/Language_revitalization) and to avoid [passive bilingualism](/source/Passive_speaker_(language)) phenomena, assertiveness has become a key discursive asset for speakers of [minoritized languages](/source/Minoritized_language). An example of this use is [Mantinc el català](/source/Mantinc_el_catal%C3%A0), that aims to raise [self-awareness](/source/Self-awareness) in [Catalan](/source/Catalan_language) speakers about the importance of not shifting unconsciously and at first glance to [Spanish](/source/Spanish_language) in conversations with unknown people.[22][23][24]

## Challenges

Assertiveness may be practiced in an unbalanced way, especially by those new to the process: "[One] problem with the concept of assertiveness is that it is both complex and situation-specific. ... Behaviors that are assertive in one circumstance may not be so in another".[25] More particularly, while "unassertiveness courts one set of problems, over-assertiveness creates another."[26] Assertiveness manuals recognize that "many people, when trying out assertive behavior for the first time, find that they go too far and become aggressive."[27]

In the late 1970s and early 1980s, in the heyday of assertiveness training, some so-called assertiveness training techniques were distorted and "people were told to do some pretty obnoxious things in the name of assertiveness. Like blankly repeating some request over and over until you got your way".[28] Divorced from respect for the rights of others, so-called assertiveness techniques could be psychological tools that might be readily abused: The line between repeatedly demanding with sanctions ("broken record") versus coercive [nagging](/source/Nagging), [emotional blackmail](/source/Emotional_blackmail), or [bullying](/source/Bullying), could be a fine one, and the caricature of assertiveness training as "training in how to get your own way ... or how to become as aggressive as the next person"[29] was perpetuated.

## See also

- [Persuasive writing](/source/Persuasive_writing) – Technique used to convince a reader

## References

1. **[^](#cite_ref-1)** ["Assertiveness"](http://medical-dictionary.thefreedictionary.com/assertiveness) in *[Dorland's Medical Dictionary](/source/Dorland's_Medical_Dictionary)*

1. **[^](#cite_ref-2)** Wolpe, J. (1958) *Psychotherapy by Reciprocal Inhibition*, (California: Stanford University Press, 1958), 53–62

1. **[^](#cite_ref-3)** Phillips, Debora R.; Groves, Gerald A. (1979). ["Assertive training with children"](https://psycnet.apa.org/doiLanding?doi=10.1037%2Fh0086044). *Psychotherapy: Theory, Research & Practice*. **16** (2): 171–177. [doi](/source/Doi_(identifier)):[10.1037/h0086044](https://doi.org/10.1037%2Fh0086044). Retrieved 27 November 2024.

1. **[^](#cite_ref-4)** W. Eduard Craighead/Charles B. Nemeroff eds., *The Corsini Encyclopedia of Psychology and Behavioral Science: Volume I* (2002) p. 142

1. **[^](#cite_ref-5)** Craighead/Nemeroff eds., p. 142

1. ^ [***a***](#cite_ref-:0_6-0) [***b***](#cite_ref-:0_6-1) [***c***](#cite_ref-:0_6-2) [***d***](#cite_ref-:0_6-3) [***e***](#cite_ref-:0_6-4) Çeçen-Eroğul, A. Rezan; Zengel, Mustafa (May 2009). ["The Effectiveness of an Assertiveness Training Programme on Adolescents' Assertiveness Level"](https://www.researchgate.net/publication/322420370). *Ergenlere Uygulanan Girişkenlik Eğitimi Programının Ergenlerin Girişkenlik Düzeyleri Üzerindeki Etkisi*. **8** (2): 485–492.

1. **[^](#cite_ref-7)** *Driven by Research on hundreds of families: The Seven Principles for Making Marriage Work*; by John Gottman, PhD, Randomhouse, May 16, 2000; coined the "Four Horsemen of the Apocalypse", four patterns of communicating which end including criticism, contempt, defensiveness, and stonewalling

1. **[^](#cite_ref-8)** William T. O'Donohue/Jane E. Fisher eds., *Cognitive Behavior Therapy* (2008)

1. **[^](#cite_ref-9)** Daniel Goleman, *Emotional Intelligence* (London 1996) p. 266

1. **[^](#cite_ref-10)** *Facing Co-dependence: What It Is, Where It Comes from, How It Sabotages Our Lives* by Pia Mellody, Andrea Wells Miller, and J. Keith Miller

1. **[^](#cite_ref-11)** Paul Gilbert, *Overcoming Depression* (London 1998) p. 219

1. **[^](#cite_ref-12)** Marsha M. Linehan (n.d.) From DBT as researched. Professor, Department of Psychology, Director, Behavioral Research & Therapy Clinics at the University of Washington

1. **[^](#cite_ref-13)** Suripatty, L. (2021). The Significance of Assertive Leadership Style in School Organizational Development. *International Research-Based Education Journal*, *3*(1), 8-13.

1. **[^](#cite_ref-14)** Henry Virkler, *Speaking the Truth with Love* (2009) p. 48

1. **[^](#cite_ref-15)** Marie Reid/Richard Hammersley, *Communicating Successfully in Groups* (Psychology Press, 2000) p. 49

1. ^ [***a***](#cite_ref-smith_16-0) [***b***](#cite_ref-smith_16-1) [***c***](#cite_ref-smith_16-2) [***d***](#cite_ref-smith_16-3) [***e***](#cite_ref-smith_16-4) Smith, Manuel J. (1975). *When I say no, I feel guilty. How to cope - using the skills of systematic assertive therapy*. New York: Dial Press. [ISBN](/source/ISBN_(identifier)) [0-8037-5991-6](https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Special:BookSources/0-8037-5991-6). (various editions)

1. **[^](#cite_ref-17)** Rich Pfeiffer, *Relationships: Assertiveness Skills* (2010) p. 28

1. **[^](#cite_ref-18)** ["Assertiveness training in addiction"](http://www.drugalcoholrehabnow.com/assertiveness-training.htm). *drugalcoholrehab.com*. Drug Alcohol Rehab Now. Retrieved 30 April 2018.

1. **[^](#cite_ref-19)** [O'Donohue, William](/source/William_O'Donohue) (2003). ["Psychological skills training: Issues and controversies"](https://doi.org/10.1037%2Fh0100021). *The Behavior Analyst Today*. **4** (3). J.D. Cautilli: 331–335. [doi](/source/Doi_(identifier)):[10.1037/h0100021](https://doi.org/10.1037%2Fh0100021). [Pdf.](http://www.baojournal.com/BAT%20Journal/VOL-4/BAT-4-3.pdf) [Archived](https://web.archive.org/web/20150209042909/http://www.baojournal.com/BAT%20Journal/VOL-4/BAT-4-3.pdf) 2015-02-09 at the [Wayback Machine](/source/Wayback_Machine)

1. **[^](#cite_ref-20)** [Speer, Susan](/source/Susan_Speer) (2005). "Gender and language: 'sex difference' perspectives". In [Speer, Susan A.](/source/Susan_Speer) (ed.). *Gender talk: feminism, discourse and conversation analysis*. London New York: Routledge. p. 31. [ISBN](/source/ISBN_(identifier)) [9780415246446](https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Special:BookSources/9780415246446).

1. **[^](#cite_ref-21)** [Tannen, Deborah](/source/Deborah_Tannen) (1990). "Gossip". In [Tannen, Deborah](/source/Deborah_Tannen) (ed.). *[You just don't understand: women and men in conversation](/source/You_Just_Don't_Understand)*. New York: [Ballantine Books](/source/Ballantine_Books). pp. 121–122. [ISBN](/source/ISBN_(identifier)) [9780345372055](https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Special:BookSources/9780345372055)

1. **[^](#cite_ref-:02_22-0)** Riera, Miquel (22 November 2022). ["Mantinc el català"](https://www.elpuntavui.cat/opinio/article/8-articles/2220961-mantinc-el-catala.html). *[El Punt Avui](/source/El_Punt_Avui)* (in Catalan). Retrieved 19 February 2023.

1. **[^](#cite_ref-:3_23-0)** ["Què és la campanya Mantinc el Català?"](https://aquicatalunha.cat/que-es-la-campanya-mantinc-el-catala/). *Aquí Catalunha* (in Catalan). 18 August 2022. Retrieved 19 February 2023.

1. **[^](#cite_ref-:5_24-0)** ["Proposen un repte per potenciar l'ús social del català: estar 21 dies sense "amagar" la llengua"](https://www.ccma.cat/catradio/alacarta/catalunya-nit/proposen-un-repte-per-potenciar-lus-social-del-catala-estar-21-dies-sense-amagar-la-llengua/audio/1132672/) (Àudio). *Catalunya Nit* (in Catalan). [Catalunya Ràdio](/source/Catalunya_R%C3%A0dio). 20 April 2022. Retrieved 19 February 2023.

1. **[^](#cite_ref-25)** Michael Argyle, *Social Situations* (Cambridge 1981) p. 50

1. **[^](#cite_ref-26)** Deborah J. Swiss, *The Male Mind at Work* (2001) p. 20

1. **[^](#cite_ref-27)** *Assert Yourself* (A&C Black Publishers Ltd, London 2009) p. 8

1. **[^](#cite_ref-28)** Mark Mark Eisenstadt, *Freedom from Agoraphobia* (2003) p. 203

1. **[^](#cite_ref-29)** Sue Bishop, *Develop Your Assertiveness* (2006) p. 13

## Further reading

- Alberti, Robert E. & Emmons, Michael L. *Your Perfect Right: Assertiveness and Equality in Your Life and Relationships*. 2001

- Bower, S.A. & Bower, G.H. *Asserting Yourself: A Practical Guide for Positive Change*. 1991

- Davidson, Jeff. *The Complete Idiot's Guide to Assertiveness*. 1997

- Dyer, Wayne W. *Pulling Your Own Strings*. 1978

- Lloyd, Sam R. *Developing Positive Assertiveness: Practical Techniques for Personal Success*. 2001

- Milne Pamela E. *The People Skills Revolution: A Step-by-Step Approach to Developing Sophisticated People Skills*, Global Professional Publishing 2011

- Paterson, Randy J. *The Assertiveness Workbook: How to Express Your Ideas and Stand Up for Yourself at Work and in Relationships*. 2000

- Smith, M. J. *When I Say No, I Feel Guilty.* 1975

## External links

Look up ***[assertiveness](https://en.wiktionary.org/wiki/assertiveness)*** in Wiktionary, the free dictionary.

- [Assertiveness – Definition and Elements](https://web.archive.org/web/20150118024247/http://www.commonlanguagepsychotherapy.org/fileadmin/user_upload/Accepted_procedures/assertivenesstraining.pdf)

- [Relationship Problems: Assertiveness](https://web.archive.org/web/20120301145643/http://ccserver4.ad.uiuc.edu/?page_id=187)

- [Assertiveness and Assertiveness Training](https://www.bbc.co.uk/dna/h2g2/A2998551)

- [Assertiveness Training Modules](https://web.archive.org/web/20100719135818/http://www.cci.health.wa.gov.au/resources/infopax.cfm?Info_ID=51)

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