# Amatonormativity > Mediated Wiki article. Canonical URL: https://mediated.wiki/source/Amatonormativity > Markdown URL: https://mediated.wiki/source/Amatonormativity.md > Source: https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Amatonormativity > Source revision: 1355576160 > License: Creative Commons Attribution-ShareAlike 4.0 International (https://creativecommons.org/licenses/by-sa/4.0/) {{Short description|Societal assumption about relationships}} {{LGBTQ sidebar|attitudes}} '''Amatonormativity''' ({{IPAc-en|ə|ˌ|m|æ|t|ə|n|ɔr|m|ə|ˈ|t|ɪ|v|ə|t|i}}) is the set of societal assumptions that everyone prospers with an [exclusive romantic relationship](/source/exclusive_relationship). [Elizabeth Brake](/source/Elizabeth_Brake) coined the term in her 2012 book ''[Minimizing Marriage](/source/Minimizing_Marriage)'' to capture societal assumptions about [romance](/source/Romance_(love)).{{cite news |title=Do you feel under pressure to find The One? |url=https://www.bbc.co.uk/bitesize/articles/zfjx6v4 |access-date=15 July 2020 |publisher=[BBC](/source/BBC) |date=2020 |archive-date=15 July 2020 |archive-url=https://web.archive.org/web/20200715002159/https://www.bbc.co.uk/bitesize/articles/zfjx6v4 |url-status=live }}{{cite news |author-last1=Bonos |author-first1=Lisa |title=Bugging your friend to get into a relationship? How amatonormative of you. |url=https://www.washingtonpost.com/news/soloish/wp/2017/07/06/what-is-amatonormativity-the-belief-that-youre-always-better-off-in-a-romantic-relationship/ |url-access=subscription |access-date=14 July 2020 |newspaper=[The Washington Post](/source/The_Washington_Post) |date=6 July 2017 |archive-date=14 October 2020 |archive-url=https://web.archive.org/web/20201014112833/https://www.washingtonpost.com/news/soloish/wp/2017/07/06/what-is-amatonormativity-the-belief-that-youre-always-better-off-in-a-romantic-relationship/ }} The term has since become established in queer theory,{{Cite book |last=Cover |first=Rob |url=https://www.google.no/books/edition/Elgar_Encyclopedia_of_Queer_Studies/Fe1QEQAAQBAJ?hl=en&gbpv=1&dq=Amatonormativity&pg=PA18&printsec=frontcover |title=Elgar Encyclopedia of Queer Studies |last2=Newman |first2=Christy E. |date=2025-03-12 |publisher=Edward Elgar Publishing |isbn=978-1-80392-210-2 |pages=18 |language=en}} literary studies,{{Cite journal |last=Cole |first=Megan |date=2024 |title=The Fiction of Amatonormativity: Reactions to Queer Platonic Relationships in Eighteenth-Century Literature |url=https://utppublishing.com/doi/10.3138/ecf.36.2.269 |journal=Eighteenth-Century Fiction |volume=36 |issue=2 |pages=269–292 |doi=10.3138/ecf.36.2.269 |issn=0840-6286|url-access=subscription }} in self-help books for aromantic people,{{Cite book |last=Daigle-Orians |first=Cody |url=https://www.google.no/books/edition/The_Ace_and_Aro_Relationship_Guide/v43-EAAAQBAJ?hl=en&gbpv=1&dq=Amatonormativity&pg=PA29&printsec=frontcover |title=The Ace and Aro Relationship Guide: Making It Work in Friendship, Love, and Sex |date=2024-10-21 |publisher=Jessica Kingsley Publishers |isbn=978-1-83997-735-0 |language=en}} and popular science books about aromanticism.{{Cite book |last=Burke |first=Wren |url=https://www.google.no/books/edition/Love_Expanded/xGY5EQAAQBAJ?hl=en&gbpv=0 |title=Love Expanded: How asexuals and aromantics are redefining love, life and family |date=2025-06-05 |publisher=Allen & Unwin |isbn=978-1-80546-259-0 |language=en}} Brake wanted to describe the pressure she received by many to prioritize [marriage](/source/marriage) in her own life when she did not want to. Amatonormativity extends beyond [social pressure](/source/social_pressure)s for marriage to include general pressures involving romance.{{cite web |author-last1=Brake |author-first1=Elizabeth |title=Amatonormativity |url=https://elizabethbrake.com/amatonormativity/ |website=Elizabeth Drake |date=29 August 2017 |access-date=14 July 2020 |archive-date=22 April 2018 |archive-url=https://web.archive.org/web/20180422045037/https://elizabethbrake.com/amatonormativity/ |url-status=live }} ==Etymology== The word ''amatonormativity'' comes from ''amatus'', which is the [Latin](/source/Latin) word for "loved", and ''[normativity](/source/normativity)'', referring to societal norms.{{cite news |author-last1=Baer |author-first1=Drake |title=There's a word for the assumption that everybody should be in a relationship |url=https://theweek.com/articles/688887/theres-word-assumption-that-everybody-should-relationship |access-date=14 July 2020 |publisher=The Week Publications Inc |date=31 March 2017 |archive-date=15 July 2020 |archive-url=https://web.archive.org/web/20200715125406/https://theweek.com/articles/688887/theres-word-assumption-that-everybody-should-relationship |url-status=dead}} Related terms include ''[allonormativity](/source/allonormativity)'', which means a worldview that assumes all people experience sexual and romantic attraction, and ''compulsory sexuality'', which means social norms and practices that marginalize non-sexuality.{{cite book |last1=Mollet |first1=Amanda L. |last2=Lackman |first2=Brian |chapter=Allonormativity and Compulsory Sexuality |title=Encyclopedia of Queer Studies in Education |date=24 January 2021 |publisher=Brill |isbn=978-90-04-50672-5 |doi=10.1163/9789004506725_006 |chapter-url=https://brill.com/display/book/9789004506725/BP000013.xml |chapter-url-access=subscription |language=en |access-date=4 July 2023 |archive-date=21 March 2023 |archive-url=https://web.archive.org/web/20230321225531/https://brill.com/display/book/9789004506725/BP000013.xml |url-status=live }} Amatonormativity has been described as the romantic version of compulsory sexuality. The term was modeled after the term [heteronormativity](/source/heteronormativity), the belief that heterosexuality is the default for sexual orientation. Normative bias against [ethical non-monogamy](/source/ethical_non-monogamy) in particular is known as [mononormativity](/source/mononormativity).{{cite journal |last1=Keese |first1=Christian |date=2016 |title=Marriage, Law and Polyamory. Rebutting Mononormativity with Sexual Orientation Discourse? |url=http://opo.iisj.net/index.php/osls/article/viewFile/734/960 |journal=Oñati Socio-legal Series |volume=6 |issue=6 |page=1348 |access-date=December 24, 2020 |archive-date=April 22, 2018 |archive-url=https://web.archive.org/web/20180422221600/http://opo.iisj.net/index.php/osls/article/viewFile/734/960 |url-status=live }} ==Examples== [Elizabeth Brake](/source/Elizabeth_Brake) describes the term as a pressure or desire for romance and/or marriage. The desire to find relationships that are romantic, sexual, and lifelong has many social consequences. People who are [asexual](/source/Asexuality), [aromantic](/source/Aromanticism) and/or just want to stay single become social oddities. According to researcher [Bella DePaulo](/source/Bella_DePaulo), it puts a stigma on [single people](/source/Single_person) as incomplete and pushes romantic partners to stay in unhealthy relationships because of a fear the partners may have of being single.{{cite web |title=There's a Word for the Assumption That Everybody Should Be in a Relationship |date=8 March 2017 |publisher=The Cut |url=https://www.thecut.com/2017/03/amatonormativity-everybody-should-be-coupled-up.html |access-date=2 March 2019 |archive-date=6 March 2019 |archive-url=https://web.archive.org/web/20190306050618/https://www.thecut.com/2017/03/amatonormativity-everybody-should-be-coupled-up.html |url-status=live }} Examples of amatonormativity from other writers include family members telling someone "You'll never get a date like that!" in response to a personal style choice like dyed hair or a tattoo, or people assuming that close friends are dating, or romantic relationships being portrayed as more important than friendships in movies and books, and the lack of fiction that is not primarily about romance.{{Cite web |last=Chen |first=Angela |date=2018-03-05 |title=We Need More Books Without Romance |url=https://electricliterature.com/we-need-more-books-without-romance/ |access-date=2026-04-01 |website=Electric Literature |language=en-US}} According to Brake, one way in which amatonormativity is [institutionally](/source/Institutional_theory) applied is the law and morality surrounding marriage. [Loving friendships](/source/Platonic_love), [queerplatonic](/source/queerplatonic), and other relationships are not given the same legal protections romantic partners are given through marriage.{{cite web |title=Should Marriage Be Abolished, Minimized, or Left Alone? |publisher=Psychology Today |url=https://www.psychologytoday.com/us/blog/living-single/201207/should-marriage-be-abolished-minimized-or-left-alone |access-date=2 March 2019 |archive-date=4 July 2023 |archive-url=https://web.archive.org/web/20230704225025/https://www.psychologytoday.com/us/blog/living-single/201207/should-marriage-be-abolished-minimized-or-left-alone |url-status=live }} In her 2012 book ''[Minimizing Marriage](/source/Minimizing_Marriage)'', Brake defines amatonormativity as "the widespread assumption that everyone is better off in an exclusive, romantic, long-term coupled relationship, and that everyone is seeking such a relationship."{{cite news |author-last1=Sharpe |author-first1=Brianna |title=Why These Families Want To Queer Valentine's Day |url=https://www.huffingtonpost.ca/entry/valentines-day-gender_ca_5e444684c5b61b84d3440f4f |access-date=14 July 2020 |publisher=[Huffington Post](/source/Huffington_Post) |date=12 February 2020 |archive-date=14 July 2020 |archive-url=https://web.archive.org/web/20200714234157/https://www.huffingtonpost.ca/entry/valentines-day-gender_ca_5e444684c5b61b84d3440f4f |url-status=live }} == Uses == The term amatonormativity has been covered in major newspapers,{{Cite web |last=Baer |first=Drake |date=2017-03-08 |title=There’s a Word for the Assumption That Everybody Should Be in a Relationship |url=https://www.thecut.com/2017/03/amatonormativity-everybody-should-be-coupled-up.html |access-date=2026-04-01 |website=The Cut |language=en}}{{Cite news |date=2017-07-06 |title=Analysis {{!}} Bugging your friend to get into a relationship? How amatonormative of you. |url=https://www.washingtonpost.com/news/soloish/wp/2017/07/06/what-is-amatonormativity-the-belief-that-youre-always-better-off-in-a-romantic-relationship/ |access-date=2026-04-01 |work=The Washington Post |language=en-US |issn=0190-8286}} and was named by [The Atlantic](/source/The_Atlantic) as a trending philosophical topic in 2018.{{Cite web |last=Kitchener |first=Caroline |date=2018-07-18 |title=What Are the New Questions of Philosophy? |url=https://www.theatlantic.com/membership/archive/2018/07/what-are-the-new-questions-of-philosophy/565520/ |access-date=2026-04-01 |website=The Atlantic |language=en-US}} In literary studies the term has been used as a lens to reinterpret same-sex relationships in 19th century novels. Amatonormativity is commonly discussed in [self-help books](/source/Self-help_book) for [aromantic](/source/Aromanticism) and [asexual](/source/Asexuality) people,{{Cite book |last=Daigle-Orians |first=Cody |url=https://www.google.no/books/edition/I_Am_Ace/YyiUEAAAQBAJ?hl=en&gbpv=1&dq=amatonormativity&pg=PA163&printsec=frontcover |title=I Am Ace: Advice on Living Your Best Asexual Life |date=2023-02-21 |publisher=Jessica Kingsley Publishers |isbn=978-1-83997-263-8 |language=en}}{{Cite book |last=Chen |first=Angela |url=https://www.google.no/books/edition/Ace/MVX4DwAAQBAJ?hl=en&gbpv=1&dq=Ace+What+Asexuality+Reveals+About+Desire,+Society,+and+the+Meaning+of+Sex&printsec=frontcover |title=Ace: What Asexuality Reveals About Desire, Society, and the Meaning of Sex |date=2020-09-15 |publisher=Beacon Press |isbn=978-0-8070-1379-3 |language=en}} and media coverage of platonic relationships as a lifestyle choice.{{Cite web |last=Dazed |date=2022-06-10 |title=BFFs, but make it official: the rise of platonic life partnerships |url=https://www.dazeddigital.com/life-culture/article/56284/1/the-rise-of-platonic-life-partnerships |access-date=2026-04-01 |website=Dazed |language=en}} ==See also== *[Allonormativity](/source/Allonormativity) *[Aromanticism](/source/Aromanticism) *[Criticism of marriage](/source/Criticism_of_marriage) *[Discrimination against asexual people](/source/Discrimination_against_asexual_people) *[Heteronormativity](/source/Heteronormativity) *[Marital status](/source/Marital_status) *[Marriage](/source/Marriage) *[Relationship anarchy](/source/Relationship_anarchy) *[Romance (love)](/source/Romance_(love)) *[Romantic orientation](/source/Romantic_orientation) *[Single person](/source/Single_person) ==References== {{reflist}} ==External links== * {{Wiktionary-inline|amatonormativity|amatonormative}} {{Discrimination}} {{Aromanticism topics}} {{Portal bar|LGBTQ|Society}} {{Authority control}} Category:Anti-LGBTQ sentiment Category:Aromanticism Category:Feminist terminology Category:Gender-related prejudices Category:Intimate relationships Category:LGBTQ erasure Category:Neologisms Category:Romance --- Adapted from the Wikipedia article [Amatonormativity](https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Amatonormativity) by Wikipedia contributors ([contributor history](https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Amatonormativity?action=history)). Available under [Creative Commons Attribution-ShareAlike 4.0 International](https://creativecommons.org/licenses/by-sa/4.0/). Changes may have been made.